and you were saying?

Random Ways

2011-02-07T17:24:00.000+08:00

I realized that God has put many people in my life very randomly, in unexpected ways, some of these people I've not even met yet. But these people have played a part in my spiritual life, by talking to me, teaching me, being an example, through testimonies, blog posts and encouragement. And I'm grateful (:

I realized I would never have come this far in my spiritual walk without God blessing me with the presence of these 'random people' through His random ways. And some of these people, I may not have kept in touch with you very regularly, some even seldom, but know that you have played a huge part in helping me grow in my walk with God.

I look forward to the semester; the year; CF; church; KG; cell; worship; being a student rep; the random people that I will meet; and more random people to come. I look forward to see what God is planning for me this year, and I want to seek more and more of His Word, His will and His ways. I want Him to be proud of me :D

I pray that the KG that I lead this year will grow spiritually. I pray that being elected the student rep of the School of Arts, I will use that privilege to bless and impact the students whom I have the opportunity to reach out to.

"I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." - Phillipians 3: 12-14.

Ps. Colin Hurt asked a question the other day.
Would you be willing to give up the things that you have now, and suffer WITH Christ?

Hmmm.

Blondes Don't Know How To Use ATMs. Asians too :(

2011-01-20T17:38:00.000+08:00

I feel like a blonde :(
So anyway, I wanted to do some online banking till I realized I didn't have an online bank account and I didn't know how to get one. =.= So, I decided to go to the bank the next day to deposit some money into that account.

So I went. And it's my first time doing this and I didn't know how to do it. Apparently there would be instructions on the ATM machine BUT THERE WASN'T. Except for a little ATM card sticker on the machine which was supposed to tell you how to insert your card. Except that it kinda looked like this:

Okay so you see the yellow sticker thing? I thought it meant "place your atm card upwards into the slot"

NOT.

So it got stuck and I couldn't get it out. FYI, I put it into the receipt slot T.T
Sigh. And I panicked and caused a scene in Maybank Taipan. I'm so embarrassed to go there again.

So I had to call them to deactivate/block my card and claim it tomorrow after they dismantle the machine to retrieve my card. Dang I'm so shy to get my card now. Which nut places her ATM card into the receipt area?!

And here comes the inner monologue:
WHY LA GOT SUCH A STUPID SLOT ONE THAT'S USELESS!

Actually I didn't realize it was a receipt slot till Andrew Lin told me. :/

And Gene laughed at me non-stop. He said it was so funny :(
Sigh. Blonde asian moment. :/

Bieber Fever

2011-01-15T21:11:00.000+08:00

So. Don't kill me for posting this, but seriously, why do so many people hate Justin Bieber? I mean, if you dislike/hate his music, why hate the poor kid? I suppose I'm not the only one asking myself (and other people for that matter) this question, because if you type "Why do people hate..." on Google, the first thing that pops out is Justin Bieber.

WHY PEOPLE, WHY!?

Apparently, according to one person on Yahoo Answers;

"It's not him as a person, but he is the culmination of how far mass media has fallen and people are getting sick of it. His music is not good. At all. People only think he's good because the people around them say that he's good. And those people only say that he's good because they think the people around them like him. In other words, Justin Beiber is a bad trend. A fad. People should not be getting famous and making tons of money by being a fad. Pretty soon, Beiber will be completely forgotten. Hopefully, the record companies won't find another Beiber to take his place." - Patheher

So, tell me again why we hate Bieber so much if it's the mass media we dislike? Sometimes I think that this Bieber Fever of Hatred is just a wave. Oh, it's cool to hate Bieber so let's do it. YAY! =.=

Because you'd be deemed gay if you like him and stand up for him. =.=

I'm not saying I like Bieber. I mean, I don't have anything against the poor boy, and I'm not a fan of his music but come on haters. GET A LIFE. Stop hating the dude. Your time and energy would be better spent elsewhere, giving constructive comments or writing PROPER reviews instead of saying things like "Bieber is a fag". If you don't like his music, don't listen to it. Switch the channel. Write proper things like maybe his voice control isn't good enough. Or whatever.

Watch this video. It's funny, but what the dude says makes a whole lot of sense. =.=

USA Post: Part 2

2011-01-14T13:13:00.000+08:00

So, 2 posts later and here it is!
USA Post Part 2 :D Check out USA Post Part 1 HERE.

More pictures from Disneyland, California Adventure Park.
Do note that Disneyland Anaheim has 2 parks; Disneyland & California Adventure which has the most awesome rides ever! I personally think it's catered for older people/youngsters so the rides there are more thrilling than the ones that they have in Disneyland.

Outside California park
Photo credits: GoogleImages

We spotted Goofy and got a picture! :D

Rapids :D


Ride: Grizzy River Adventure; California Adventure Park OMGGGG I love this ride! Went on it 3 times. You'll get wet :D:D:D

um. Is this Jumping Jellyfish?

High up in the air! It swings round and round

Ride: California Screaming; California Adventure Park
OMGGGG TEH AWESOMEST ROLLER COASTER 360 RIDE EVER


Ride: Hollywood Tower of Terror; Hollywood Area. It's a free fall ride which scared me shitless T.T Awesome nonetheless. :D

Hollywood Park/Area


Paradise Pier, one of the 'parks' in California


Paradise Pier in the evening. Photo credits: Google Images

I spotted Big Bear too :D Or was it Brother Bear :/

They a;so had World of Colours playing at the California Park in Paradise Pier! It's really beautiful. They use purely water fountains to do all these pretty stuff. I'll add a video down there so you can see what I saw...live! :D

It's long but WATCH it. You'll regret it if you don't. DISNEY LOVERS MUST WATCH!

After spending 3 days in Anaheim, we moved over to Big Bear, California for some snow and skiing! It's a lovely town. The kinds that you see in Gilmour Girls; small town where everyone seems to know everyone.

I shall make you guys jealous with pictures of me skiing! HAHAHAHAH. =.=

My instructor asking me to ski downwards

I MADE IT! :D

Hello!

Skiing with Mavis (:

Yo :D

I can't remember where we stayed but it's a nice hotel. It was cozy, WARM and there was snow around it (: Not much though :/

Joy :)

Dad. Mom. Me. Snow :D

So that wraps up Part 2 of the USA Post!
Check Facebook for more pictures :)

Women Drivers

2011-01-12T23:35:00.000+08:00

I don't know if you guys have heard or done this before, but everytime a driver does something inconsiderate that you think will endanger your life, or worse, your car, people usually mumble, "Women Drivers" and then start spewing out a long line of @&!*%^@(!!!!!!!!!

I don't know. My dad does it. Most of my male friends do it. Even some of my female friends. It's like we don't have faith in the driving ability of our womenfolk anymore. Not to say we had any in the first place.

I did a Google search; women can't drive and this is what came up:

Step1
First, women let dogs in their cars. They let those yippy little things run around, sitting on top of another yippy little one equals a big reason why women can't drive.

Step2
Next, women let friends in their cars. Men have their eyes on the road at all times, regardless of the discussion. Women on the other hand, have their focus on everyone except the world rushing towards them. Do us a favor and focus driving.

Step3
Another simple reason is that women obstruct their vision with dangling crap. Whether it be 10 pounds of beads or stuffed animals, these women would actually be better of driving backwards. Until women ditch decorating their windows, they are better off of the road.

Step4
A good reason for women to stay off the road is because they use the mirrors to look at themselves. While they go through metamorphosis between stop lights, they tend to pay less attention to what's happening to their surroundings.

Step5
Women need to stop texting while driving! If you see one texting, make sure to give her some room. Be sure to text back OMG and LOL! Kidding.

Step6
Another good reason why women can't drive is because they have no interest in cars. It's only a means of transportation from point A to B. You can't do anything well at something you know nothing about, right?

Step7
Women also have no spatial awareness. The have to realize that Ipods and cars do not work the same way. You cannot press "Skip" to skip 4 lanes across. You also can't press "shuffle" and expect to parallel park. It just doesn't work that way.

Step8
Lastly, women cannot drive because they do not have the driving gene. It's purely genetic. As for us men, we simply miss the waxing gene. The only solution for women is car insurance.

Source

***********

I personally think that list is a little biased lor. I mean, when I was reading it, it kinda made sense UNTIL number 4. Number 5 is pure bias! As if men don't do the same. I think I'm quite a good driver. Ask around :D So let's see what I'm guilty of.

1. First of all, I don't have a dog. But I might bring it around if I did have one.
Verdict: N/A

2. Half-true. I hardly talk when I have passengers because I can't drive and talk at the same time. So much for multi-tasking :/
Verdict: Not guilty

3. I wonder that too. Especially women with soft toys blocking half their rear view mirror. Gosh. Verdict: Not guilty

4. I'm vain. Enough said. Sometimes I almost bang a car in front of me because I'm too busy inspecting my face in the mirror even when I'm not at a traffic light.

Verdict: VERY guilty

5. Who doesn't?
Verdict: Guilty

6. OMGGGG. So lame. ~~It's like, saying you can't cook just because you don't like cooking.Or saying you don't like to shit because it wastes your time, so you can't shit properly~~ =.=
[EDIT]
I just realized my analogy was completely off. But it's still a stupid reason.
Verdict: To stupid to even be considered a reason

7. No idea what the dude's analogy is.
Verdict: N/A

8. It's quite unfair, but I think the same goes for us when we say that men can't multitask because it's just NOT in their genes. Anyway, I'm a good driver.
Verdict: N/A

Anyway, long story aside, I wrote about this because everytime I need to park, or everytime I drive, I feel a lotttttt of pressure. Like super a lot until my heart rate increases okay, and I become gelabah. Like when I'm trying to park, this especially, because it takes up a lot of time because I'm a fail parker, I'd glance back at my mirror so often to check if there are any drivers (ahem, male drivers) waiting for me to park so they can pass through. If not this thing in my head will be like, "OMGGGG your parking fail. Take 7 minutes to do reverse parking. Some more reverse so many times. No wonder men say women can't drive la. Cos of people like you ok."

That's not a very nice thought that goes through everytime I want to park. Waaay too much pressure. :/

Point of story: My parking is bad. :( I need to improve.

Family #1

2011-01-11T11:36:00.000+08:00

First sleepover of the year! This was, um, awhile back. :D

Headed to Pyramid at first to catch Tangled, which was btw, awesome. Crystal, ML and I started crying towards the end. :P

Since it was Wednesday, ML wanted to grab some BR. As usual.

Joy in a cup

Lei. Tsktsk

Fascinated with the UFO Beeper

Snowflakes!

No idea what was so funny

Ginrami addicts :/

Neatly stacked

Lisa = Lei's apprentice

Headed over to Crystal's after that for dinner and sleepover! :D
Mei Li was trying to cook. It was a cute sight of her and the blender :P

so cute right :D

dinner that Wan prepared for us

Christmas tree

Them reading/opening presents :)

Mei Li is distracted :/

Mei && present :)

Lei && present :)

Mel && present :)

MINE :D

Thank you ML <3

Thank you Crystal <3

I dozed off quickly, at around 12 something. =.= While the rest stayed up. Actually I woke up eventually to watch Easy A. But I fell asleep 1/4 throughout the movie lol. So I don't know what happened after I slept :/

Anyway, we went to have breakfast the next morning at Deli Oasis; Ara Damansara.

Deli Oasis

Keropok Lekor; RM4

Sandwich & Fries

What I ate: Nasi Lemak + Rendang Ayam; RM6
Rating: I think it's really nice. And it's not too pricey.

8.5/10

Famished

Apple pie && ice cream

I love my girls. They're so awesome. I don't know how life would be without them. :D

current desktop background

USA Post: Part 1

2011-01-10T15:02:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the backdated post. D: I wanted to do some photo editing until I realized that I have a few hundred pictures...so, scrap that. Heh.

Went to the States for nearly 3 weeks!! 19 days lah to be exact and it was AWESOME. Anyway, here are the pictures taken from the US trip.

Transited at Hong Kong. TVB Drama anyone?

I'm assuming its in Canto.

Walkalators! My favourite :D

Took Cathay Pacific.

The land of Chinese drama, Hong Kong :)

After a 15 hour flight from Hong Kong, which btw, took 3 hours from KLIA, we finally reached LAX! Such joy.


Los Angeles Airport; LAX.

It's quite ugly, so I didn't take many pictures of it. LOL. KLIA is much nicer.

Week 1:

Checked into Holiday Inn Express in Anaheim, California which was about 400m walk to Disneyland :D Spent about 3 days there before we headed off to Las Vegas, Nevada. OMGGGGG DID I TELL YOU HOW AWESOME DISNEYLAND IS?! It's the most happening place ever. And there's so much joy around! When you see the kid's faces (or mine =.=) when they get to see their favourite characters (or in my case, Disney Princesses :D) they're soooo happy! :D

Main gate to Disneyland

The first sight that greets you IN Disneyland

Pure joy in one ticket :)

4 day joy. LOL. USD200. D:

Train :D

Who can forget Mickey?

Emporium

City Hall, where you view their safety certs

Uh..Not sure what this is :/


I think, it's a car o.O

And that was Main Street U.S.A! It's really pretty. It's the whole street where you walk about that leads into the different "worlds" or areas of Disneyland. Maybe a map would be useful.


Click to zoom. (:

Here's the list of areas/worlds in Disneyland California.
1. Main Street U.S.A
2. New Orleans Square
3. Frontierland
4. Critter Country
5. Adverntureland
6. Mickey's Toontown
7. Fantasyland
8. Tomorrowland

And they have all very awesome rides. I think 4 days not enough leh. :(

Barnacles

She looks familiar right?

Fish o.O

Ride: Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage; Tomorrowland

Clam

Pretty colours?

So that ride was Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage. It's super awesome. It's located in Tomorrowland!

Tomorrowland. The land of tomorrow? And it's inventions. :)


Matterhorn Mountain

Ride: Matterhorn Bobsleds; Fantasyland
It's quite fun, but not the best ride in Disneyland.

There's a yeti in the mountain. You'll see it.
The ride is scarier at night cos you can't really see.
And you don't know what to expect. :D

Gateway to Fantasyland! Where fairytales come alive. :)
Oh and btw, that's Sleeping Beauty's castle <3

There was also a small show going on at Tomorrowland. Star Wars! Do you wish to become a jedi? It's a super cute show and you'll know why when you see the pictures.

The lady is Jedi Kai. I forgot the dude's name lol

Junior jedis

Jedi class commencing


Storm troopers :/

Darth Maul

Come to the dark side

NEVERRRR!

Don't think he's having too much luck either

Didn't your mom teach you not to bully girls?
*gasps* Not intended. Totally forgot Princess Leia died :(

Use the force to push him away!

Understand?

Aw. So cute right?

Come to the dark side! You won't regret
NEVERRR!

We will meet again
*Darth Vader theme plays*

The thing that I really like about Disneyland, besides the rides are the parades that they have. It's really pretty! (:

Toy ballerina

Toy soldiers

Daffy Duck :)

Mrs Claus

TIGGER! My favourite Pooh character

Cute snowmen

Mickey & Minnie

"Hello everybody!"

Goofy & nephew


Cinderella's stepmother & stepsisters

Aurora & Ariel. AWWWW :D <3

With their respective princes

Grumpy and Happy. LOL.

So those were the parade floats. Check out more pictures on Facebook!
USA Post 1 will end here because I have tonnes of other photos too. Check out the next upcoming post soon! :)

Baby!

2011-01-08T22:53:00.000+08:00

I got a new baby today :D:D:D

side profile

back profile

front profile

just wanted to play around with the macro on the S95 :D

of course, Facebook Mobile (:

I bought the phone at Digital Mall PJ for RM650, usually sold at RM700. I think it was because they were having their 30th Anniversary Promotion, which unfortunately will last until tomorrow, 9th Jan 2011.

I really like it lor. It's really cool, doesn't lag, pretty smooth performance and the QWERTY keyboard is comfy. Camera is a 5.0 megapix.

It has QuickOffice, can support Skype, IMs like MSN and Gchat andd...I'm still playing around with the features now.

Read a proper review HERE.

I LOVE IT. My BABY (:

Noob 1: Photoshop

2011-01-04T10:05:00.000+08:00

So, since I'm relatively free now, I decided to pick up a new skill: photo editing. I see how photos can look really good after Photoshop, thus I began a new journey of this magic :D Since I've always wanted to have vintage-looking photos, that was what I attempted to do.

stupid timestamp :/

So, what's the verdict? Please be nice. :D

Actually right. If you're super lazy, like *ahem* me, if you want vintage-effect photos, just go to Rollip. It's a website where lazy people can upload their photos and choose a classic, vintage effect. And ta-dah! You have awesome photos which you can boast that you edited. :P And no, I did not use Rollip for the photo above. Thank God for websites like these. Such a Godsend. Hee.

p/s: Wilson, I checked out the presets thing and HELLO THEY ARE SO COOL now I want Lightroom too =.= anybody got ah? :D

pp/s: Actually right, after looking at the photo for the 10572th time, the original photo looks nicer. FAIL.com :( Anyone free to teach me or not? Eh? Kar Kien/Sara/Wilson/Daniel :D

ppp/s: Seriously la, the next thing I'm going to learn up is how to remove timestamps.

pppp/s: Yesterday, a boy made my day on Facebook when he said I was pretty. HAHA gosh, talk about being shallow. :D

2010; A Reminiscence

2011-01-03T10:33:00.000+08:00

It's been 3 days since the end of 2010. And I must say, that 2010 is probably one of the best years of my life, because of the events that happened, but more importantly because of the people that have made such an impact in my life. So, I'd like to dedicate this post to those who've made such a huge difference in my life :)

1. Can-Can Family :) <3<3<3
Before this, I've never had a "girl group" whom I could count on, ever. Not through primary/secondary school, not through college, and definitely not through engineering :P But 2nd sem in 2010 made a huge difference when I met you guys. I remember being all excited. Being able to hang out with all of you, and although our personalities differ from each other, we compliment each other and I think that's the best part of it all. I've learnt a lot from every one of you guys and I would relive the second half of 2010 with you guys, always. I think it's safe to say that I understand the true, heartfelt meaning of friendship after being with you guys. Even when we had our own conflicts, we cared enough to sit down to talk them through. And it made our friendship stronger. Thank you girls, and Cyren (:

Melissa; you're probably the epitome of the one who looks at the glass as 'half-full'. Maybe you're idealistic, but I'm really thankful for your optimism that has brought me through some of my hard times. You have an extremely big heart, and you're not calculative, plus, your OCD for hygiene has rubbed off on me :P Which, is a good thing. LOL. Thank you for all the times you've listened to me without judging, the times you told me to be patient and look at the brighter side of things, and for always sending me back even when it's out of your way. Thank you for the sleepovers and badminton sessions too! You have been such a blessing to me :) Oh, and did I ever tell you how much I enjoy laughing my guts out with you?! :D And all the pranks we planned too :P

Leisha; you are by far the most level-headed person I know, who has gall to 'set people straight', in a good way! You have taught me the meaning of family, and to love them although they aggravate you make you angry and whatnot, but more importantly you have reminded me to look at the things that my family has done for me. You are straight-forward, and I like that about you because I know that I can trust you with anything. I know I can always ask for your sensible opinions when I want to make a decision about anything. You have always been completely open and honest, and I know that you are one person who will not gossip about me, or any of your friends to other people. Btw, did I tell you that I love your diva-ness? LOL. Wrong word, but you know what I mean right? :P

Crystal; I remember being uncomfortable with your cat-likeness (the manja thing lol) at first, the whole, touchy-touchy thing but that's the way you express yourself, so hey, I got used to it and you know what? It makes me feel loved. LOL. I think you're the most thoughtful one in the group, and you sometimes make me think of you as the da jie (grins) because you're always looking out for us all! From reminding Cyren about goodness-knows-what, and reminding me to do my postings, and reminding everyone else about everything else, you're always the one we can count on. Plus, you make awesome food :D You always remember our favourite colours, things, and what Mei Li is allergic to :P You're always bubbly, you rarely lose your temper, and although you're a horrible driver, you're a really awesome person. (:

Mei Li; OMGOSH. Did I ever tell you the rest of us always imitate what your little quirks? Like your Fei Mau laugh, or the Sorreh Sorreh (or was that Lei, I think it's Lei) and the I-cannot-sit-still movements lol. You're always willing to go out of your way, and I really like that about you. You're extremely humble, and I wouldn't have known you were a Youth Olympics Gymnast if I didn't go to your house. LOL. Somehow, when you weren't around, the group didn't feel complete. No one to do all that funny stuff to make me laugh anymore :( And you know what I don't like about you? THAT YOU ALWAYS DO WORK LAST MINUTE AND GET EXCELLENT GRADES. I think we all don't like that :P Haiya, you so smart lah Mei Li. I kiasu already. :P You've always been the peace-maker, the one to avoid conflict, and that's something I don't see very often in people. What would I do without you Mei Li? I won't have anyone's slippers to steal anymore :P AND NO MORE WEARING FLIP FLOPS TO PERFORMANCES! I will really throw them outside the window. LOL.

Gwen; thank you for all the times you've treated me/us, and the times when you've bought me things :) You're extremely generous, and that is something I'm trying to learn from you. You have grown so much since we met, and I'm sure all of us are very proud at where you're at now. I'm really grateful for the times you confided in me, because to me, it meant that you trusted me enough to tell me things. I will always remember the time when you sat down to listen to all of us, and that took a lot of courage, humility and strength, and that is something I probably am unable to do. Remember that you're always special in your own way, and we will always love you. I can always rely on you to 'let loose' with me, and it's really awesome when we do. You have a soft heart for people, and that's something you shouldn't lose, ever. :) You have been nothing less than an excellent friend whom I can count on for anything. Thank you (:

Cyren; thank you for always having confidence in my singing! And always encouraging me to perform. LOL. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be singing on stage at all! You always have epic stories, and you're never at a loss for words. I always admire your creativity, and your gift in drawing. You're someone who pretty much doesn't really care about what others think, you're just yourself, and you're honest in what you believe in. Can't believe I've known you for 2 years already! Monash and MPAC will be different without you, the Family will be different too :/ I hope you get your Honors! :D

2. FGT & CF
I decided to put two together since half of FGT is in CF already :P
You have no idea how much you guys have blessed me in so many ways. When I went to the States, the ~~one~~ thing I missed the most was FGT. Really. I felt as if I lost a part of me. And CF, you've helped me grow in many ways. Without the CF, I wouldn't be where I am today, serving God, and serving His people. I'm thankful I have so many of you to look up to and I'm really blessed to have known all of you.

Cae Me; you're always the person to tell me that you miss me. And I really like to know I'm missed! :) LOL. You always have a smile on your face, and you're loud, and funny, and aiyah, I just really really sayang you :D You always make me laugh when you always say grace and tell God to not make you fat :P I've never said this but I've been very blessed during the sessions when you worship led. I see how you're dedicated to God, to church, to worship and ushering, and I'm learning that from you. You're always the one I can go to when I need advice on how to tackle issues, and you've never made me feel bad about my situations. You listen and understand, and you tell me it's okay. You're an amazing person and I'd miss you a whole lot if you don't come for CF anymore, although I'd still see you in church :D

Danny; you always looked out for me, called me to see if I was home, and you'd always tell me you're available to talk if I needed anything. You always gave me a lift when I needed one, and you showed me that you really cared. You're always the one planning outings and events, and you take the trouble to do so. I always knew that if I needed a friend to lean on, I could go to you, and you'd listen patiently without judging. Thank you for everything Danny. Sorry if I haven't been hanging out/talking with you much lately. Have a blessed time in Aussie! :)

Rachel Chua & Charmain; I look up to the both of you very very much. I see how you guys have made a difference in SASS. I'd say you guys were the best examples I saw on Christian living lol. I see how you cope with university and the Arts without compromising on anything, and more importantly, how you guys believe and trust in God with all your hearts. I've seen how the both of you wait upon God amidst the busy schedules that all of us have. I see how the both of you 'love past boundaries', when I see you two taking Jo Lene out for lunch and all, and it changes something in me. Thank you also for always helping me with assignments, more importantly, thank you for making a difference :)

Andrew Chua; son, I'm proud of you. LOL. You've always been there to cheer me up when I'm upset, and you've been an extremely good friend to me. I don't want you to go to Australia cos I'll miss you :( You're the joker, but I can rely on you for advice too. My life would be dull without you man. You're the awesome-est non-gay, gay friend I have. LOLOLOL. I'm sorry, I HAD TO! :P You're awesome Andrew, the most epic awesome friend I have. <3

Carmen; I've missed you ever since you went to Australia! But I never forgot you LOL! You were sort of like a 'mom' figure to me. Especially when I had a whole load of family problems upon my shoulders. You'd cry with me in a corner, and you'd tell me yours too. And you'd tell me how you dealt with them. You showed me your diary, and I've always remembered the one phrase you told me- "Faith is a deliberate confidence in the character of God, even when His way doesn't seem understandable"- Carmen Looi. LOL. I kept all of the small scraps of paper you'd write and give out, and I still look at them you know? When I need encouragement and stuff. You still encourage me although you're 19674026 miles away and we hardly talk. I like your blog too you know. It's funny. And honest. And full of Carmen. :D I really miss you, come back soon okay? :)

Suyin; thank you for the times you've listened to me, and the times when you gave me very much badly-needed advice. You're so sensible, I wish I was THAT sensible lol, and you always seemed to know what to do. I see your dedication and love for God and to God, and you have been sort of my role model. Never told you that though :P I see how you always stick encouraging Post-Its everywhere, even on the toilet mirror, and that's super thoughtful of you. I've taken that up too! I see how a few simple words can really make one's day, and I've got you to thank for. You make people feel appreciated and loved. You make random girls feel beautiful. You're an excellent encourager, and sometimes I think that's one of the gifts that God has given you. I think at times, how awesome a cell leader you'd be if you were one, and I've love to be in your cell :) Your testimonies have encouraged me to pray about what God's will for my life, thank you girl (:

Christina; gosh. How long have I known you!? I never thought we'd be friends for so long. LOL. Thank you for the times you've confided in me, and let me confide in you. I really appreciate your input, and did I tell you how much I really like the SMS-es that you send me before my exams, ALL the way from Melbourne?! I'm glad I could serve alongside you in the CF Camp Committee, and I've learned so much from you. I like our little 'girl talks' on GChat too, hee. Somehow, reading your blog always gives me timely reminders about God you know? And I think that's super awesome. I hope our friendship will extend beyond university life as well. You've touched my life, thank you Chris (:

Brandon; we go a loooong way back don't we. :) I've been very blessed by our friendship. You've always been there to talk me through hard, rough times since 2009, even when you were going through rough times yourself. You're selfless :) You don't know how happy I was when you chose to make that life changing decision during camp! I was super excited for you. Your child-like faith inspires me, and how you serve without question too. You've always helped me out without expecting anything in return. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. Here's to another year of friendship! :)

Adrian Wong; you better have lunch with me next week or whatever. Always so busy. LOL. You know, you've always listened to my complains and worries, even when you're super busy. You always tell me you miss my presence at church, and you always give me hugs that make my day. Cos you hug like you mean it. LOL. You never fail to amuse me with the way you greet me on Skype, or MSN. You're super funny okay. And crude, sometimes. But it makes me laugh LOL. I wouldn't know what to do without your friendship. You always smile when you see me and I like that. LOL. You're always patient with me, even when I start whining. Your honesty about issues brings me back down to earth. I may not like what you say, but I really appreciate it because you're one of the few who do that. LOL. I really love you lah. You're always so perasan about yourself, but that's funny too. LOL.

Jess; thank you for the times you prayed for me (: And the times where I could tell you very personal things that I've never told anyone else. The times when you comforted me in church when I cried, and the hugs you give me when you see me :) You've asked me for relationship advice and I think that's really cute because Gene and I have a lot of things to work on too, yet you still ask. LOL. You always make the effort to ask me out for breakfast, and I feel really happy when you do. It's like you enjoy my company. LOL. I see how you always check up on your cell girls, and I think that's what would make you a great leader, because you always care. :) You always tell me God will provide. I'm still struggling with that. But it never ceases to amaze me when you have such faith that God will pull you through financially. Thanks for everything Jess :) <3

Jamie & Paul; this is random, but really, your love for each other gives me hope! HAHA. I see how the both of you serve in church, and grow together, as well as how you grow individually, and it spurs me to want to have that kind of 'thing' (for lack of better word) with Gene. Thank you for the times when you've advised us, and told us honest experiences about your relationship with each other. I see how far you two have come, and it encourages me. Now more so, with the long-distance thing going on. Thank you for everything, and I pray that God will bless your relationship more than ever :)

3. You :)
Of course I didn't forget you, silly! You have always been my best friend when I needed advice, and also my boyfriend when I needed comfort. You've always tried your best to be understanding, you rarely showed your temper, even when I was always out with my 'hippy friends'. We've had a lot of conflicts this year, but in a way I'm sorta grateful for it because since then, we've pushed past all the 'fairy-tale-ish' stage in our relationship. Things are more real now, there's a sense of familiarity and deeper trust which I love, and in all honesty, 2010 would suck without you. You've played a major role in my life, your words have influenced the decisions I make, and your love keeps me going everyday. I don't know what to do without you. I love you (:

4. Him
God. Thank You. For all the blessings You've poured upon me the past year. The people you've put into my life, the results I've gotten, and everything else. You've held my hand as I walked through 2010, and I would not be where I am without You. Having You in my life has been the best decision that I have made in my entire life. Your mercy, grace, and love has always touched my heart and kept me alive. And God, I want to go through 2011 with You too, getting to know You better and the plans You have for my life. To serve you wholeheartedly with a servant's heart. To always be sensitive to Your voice when You call out to me. I want to be able to look to You first, all the time, when I have any doubts. And I want to be able to be a KG leader that imparts Your love, and impacts lives. Thank You. I love You. :)

I'm A Busy Woman

2010-12-31T10:37:00.000+08:00

Looks like USA posts will have to wait!
It's the 31st, and I've got some major room cleaning to do.

[EDITED: 1:50pm)

To-do list for today:
1. ~~Major spring cleaning for room.~~
2. Hand in overdue MUSA reports.
3. Practice worship songs for tomorrow.
4. ~~Grocery shopping for Christina's pot-bless~~ :D
5. Get mini packs for belated Christmas stuff.
6. Wash new clothes.
7. Iron clothes.

Woo. That's about it. 7 things to do. Wait. Make that 8.

8. USA Post! :D

Wish me luck! :) I will feel so accomplished today. What have YOU slackers done? :P

************************

Random tip:
When you shop at Carrefour, make sure you remember the price list and the price when they scan your items. Half of the things that my dad bought today had the wrong price scanned. Had to wait for half an hour to get refunded :/

Example: Nutella, price tag was RM21.90, scanned in as RM29 something.
~~So, if you're a super kiamsiap person, make sure you remember the price~~
Actually, it's just right that you remember if not you're gonna have to pay extra than what was tagged :/

And I saw a giant rat go into one of the cash-out counters today :/
Ugh. Improve hygiene at supermarkets please, thank you.

Home

2010-12-30T18:50:00.000+08:00

I'm back! (:

I miss the USA, but it's good to be back too. Updating blog with posts tomorrow regarding the trip! (:

Post list:
USA Part 1
USA Part 2
USA Part 3

So Long, Farewell!

2010-12-09T23:46:00.000+08:00

Will be leaving for the United States tomorrow morning! Be back on the 28th of December :)
Will be back with loads of pictures and posts :D

LGMH

2010-12-08T22:21:00.000+08:00

It's odd. I never thought I'd be encouraged just by reading stuff on this website.
I teared at almost every entry. Who ever knew that love is indeed a beautiful thing?

Love Gives Me Hope (:

Read it. You'll be blessed.

Contact Lens Brand that Sounds like a Swear Word

2010-12-03T10:00:00.000+08:00

Title says it all. Take a look at this:

Ciba Vision Air Optix
I got picture for you some more, to show that I'm not making this up.

ahem. the said lens brand that sounds obscene.

I ask you, how would you pronounce it? BE HONEST!
I asked Gene. And this was the conversation that ensued:

genelih: so lame. SO LAME!
lind: doesn't it sound funny. i think its super funny lor.
genelih: it's pronounced si ba vision. not CHI ba* *censored* vision
lind: oh really ah? i didn't know :P
genelih: auntie betul la you.

HAHAHA I don't know lah but I found this super funny lor =.=

[EDIT]
ohmygosh. Will I get sued for this o.O Defamation wor! :(

Results

2010-12-02T19:00:00.000+08:00

Are out. Thank You God. (:

I'm A Coward

2010-12-02T12:00:00.000+08:00

I just had a revelation, not too long ago, that I'm a coward.
I'd use the phrase "I don't have balls" but it kinda seems to crude. And I mean that metaphorically. I don't refer to the actual phallic member.

Balls = masculinity = bravery?
Ah darn equations :p

And how did I find out?


yep. the monkey who attacked Jane in Tarzan =.= I'm SERIOUS! It has a pink ass. Cow & Chicken anyone? :D

I screamed. When this animal ~~jumped~~ lunged towards me, baring it's teeth and beady eyes...in Sunway Lagoon, where it was trapped within 4 glass walls. I was so afraid the security guard would come running only to find a girl who was scared silly by a monkey in a glass cage/panel/whatever you want to call it.

Sheesh.

peacock. :D

This one too. It was ruffling it's feathers.
It's going to attack the bird! I screamed and jumped back. Again.

what did I tell you!?

Yeah.
"It was probably just mating" (Gene Lih Lai, 2010).
If that's your idea of mating, Gene, I'm frankly a little worried :P

You see. I get scared by wild animals in cages. Need I stress more? Tells you pretty much eh? I just hope it's restricted to wild animals *prays*. At least I have a valid excuse =.=
LAWL.

To: Mom

2010-12-01T12:57:00.000+08:00

Mom. Can I just talk to you? I just really need you to listen. I know you're a very straight-forward person but I won't be able to deal with harsh criticisms right now. You always say that I'm a hypersensitive person, and maybe I am but that's not what I want to hear right now.

I really appreciate what you've been doing for me for the past 20 years. Taking care of me, feeding me, cleaning my clothes, room, etc, buying me things, talking to my dad for me, being my mediator, etc. But maybe all I wanted was to know that if I needed to talk, you'd listen without yelling at me, and calling me defensive. Maybe I'm immature, selfish, calculative and all that you said, but I just really want you to hear me out sometimes. It's hard when you always yell at me, especially for times which I think are really unfair and then you do not allow me to talk to you, about issues. Communication is a 2 way process after all.

I know you say that I don't help out around the house, I'm always on the computer and all. But I'm starting to clean my room. It's my responsibility, you say. That's true, and I'm not denying it. But all I want to say is that this is a start. I know and acknowledge that I'm lazy and I don't lift a finger around the house, but this is the start of a change. I'm proud that I'm finally changing after 20 years, and maybe I want you to acknowledge that I'm slowly changing too.

I'm calculative. Extremely calculative, and I definitely don't deny that either. But take a look around you, at the family. Look at Josh. He doesn't do anything either. He sits around the computer the whole day, is extremely rude to you, has really bad grades, doesn't do his homework, and he hates you and dad. And you don't yell at him like you yell at me. Why? I see these things, and through my eyes I see unfairness. Why am I at the receiving end of all that you said? That I'm selfish, lazy, don't do anything around the house? I see the words you hurl at me, and I look at Josh, and I feel hurt because you don't say the same things to him. It's not that I want you to yell at him, but when you say these things about me, and to me only, I feel it's really unfair. When I try to explain how I feel about Josh, you shut me up by saying I'm calculative. And I can't say anything anymore. Period.

Sometimes I want to do things at my own time. Like when you asked me to clean my room today, I told you, after lunch. Same with the toilet. Then you asked me to clean the toilet bowl, and I told you I'd do it after lunch. I didn't communicate to you the reason why I want to do these things after lunch, and you started raising your voice, saying that I can't do things when you ask me to, and that I procrastinate. But haven't you seen the times where I did things immediately? Or when I offered to help? It seems to have slipped your mind. That's okay. I don't expect you to remember. But at least acknowledge that you've seen some change in me. Because I have.

I love you mom. Really. You hurt me most of the time, you label me as hypersensitive and I always cry so easily. But can't you accept me for who I am? Maybe deep down, that's all I want. For you to be accepting of me. To listen when I need to tell you things about yourself. And to not talk to me like I'm some immature 6 year old kid.

Because I've grown up. A lot.

I've said all that I've wanted to say. For now. If I said all this to you while I was still hurting, I'd have said the same things, but in a more accusatory manner. I hope you notice that I'm putting in effort. And that I recognize my faults. My pride is big, but I know when I'm at fault. And I accept it.

The sad part is, you'll never read this. And you'll probably never hear what I want to say to you. All I'm limited to is writing my feelings down on an online page. For everyone to see, read, and hear...except you. I'm afraid of showing it to you because you'd yell, just like you did the last time I wrote a letter to you about how I felt... a long time ago.

I don't know how to deal with this.

Repulsel, Repulsel, Let Down Your Hair!

2010-11-30T22:26:00.000+08:00

Apparently the movie 'Tangled' was awesome.
Didn't know Cyanide & Happiness produced short clips.
The horse is epic fail. And the dude's face is epic too.

Quote yosoccerboy: 305 people don't have epic backward running horses.

p/s: If you guys didn't realize, her 'hair', was actually her pubes. =.=
Repulse-ive? Geddit? LAWL.

Meet: Chocolate Chip Muffins

2010-11-29T21:24:00.000+08:00

I feel super accomplished today! I baked a whole batch of muffins all by MYSELF. Usually I get help from my mom or Mel.

Super proud :D:D:D

I'm so happy I put 3 smileys :D
This one was made using Lei's recipe. It's awesome. You people should try it one day (:

chocolate chip muffins :D

this is when one needs a dslr :/ christmas is
coming up! :D

hee :) out of focus *grumbles*

p/s: Sorry Danny, didn't have enough for you :(

Questions [1]

2010-11-09T23:24:00.000+08:00

Today, a friend asked me, "Is there a difference when you're in a Christian BGR vs a non-Christian BGR? What aspects of it are different?"

What do you think? (:

Love [2]

2010-11-08T19:33:00.000+08:00

What is love?

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." - 1 Cor 13:4-7

That's the biblical definition of love. And I think I have failed terribly in this area. Especially when it comes to BGR. Maybe I can't even say I love Gene, because I do the exact opposite of the verse above. I'm not very patient with him. I get jealous when he gets opportunities that I don't, I sometimes pride myself for my accomplishments, I demand my own way, I get irritable quite often, and I keep a constant checkbook on what he's done in the past.

But if it's the one thing I do, it's having faith and hope.
But I'm learning.

Sometimes when we argue, he tells me being in a relationship is not worth it. And that hurts me so much. It's like saying, "It sucks so much being your boyfriend because you're ________ (insert whatever word here) that I want to give up. Doing this isn't worth my time, my sweat, my dreams, etc and my love"

That's not what he means when he says that a relationship isn't worth it. But sometimes that's how I see things.
I expect too much. I expect him to lead and be that ideal Christian boyfriend. And that's where everything starts. And when things don't go as I expected it to, I get disappointed. And then he gets disappointed cos it seems like he failed to live up to that ideal.

I feel like a terrible girlfriend at times. Honestly. Maybe it's because I'm struggling with my own ideals too. About how a girl should be. And sometimes I struggle with how I think a girlfriend would be vs how a Christian girlfriend would be. I don't know if I'm making sense, but that's how I feel about things. I always pray that God would build me up to be the right girl for Gene, but sometimes it seems as though nothing is happening.

I make Gene feel like crap most of the time. And he responds so patiently. But when I feel like I'm crap I just break down.

Honestly, I'm struggling in the area where I'm supposed to be happy for Gene, whenever opportunities for him arise and whatnot. But sometimes when I've worked so hard for what I want, and he gets it just like that, I feel it's really unfair. Maybe he's worked hard for it and deserves it, maybe I just don't see him working hard for it. But that's when things start to get difficult for me. And then I start comparing. And sometimes in the process put him down as well. I just don't know why I can't find it in me to be happy for him. And then this whole inner battle starts where I'm supposed to be happy for him, where I'm not supposed to be proud and all, etc etc vs this whole I worked hard for it, why does he get things so easily?

And that's another major problem I have. I don't count my blessings.
Sometimes, I feel hypocritical. Like I've been telling Gwen to count her blessings and not be so cynical about life. What about me? I don't look at the opportunities that I've had. The talents that I have. Friends. Results. I look at others and wonder why I don't have what they have.

And maybe. The very root problem I have...is insecurity.
Insecurity about what? I don't know. All I know is, that I will overcome it one day, with Jesus and with SLI by Beth Moore (Thank you Rachie)! And I can't wait till I'm free from that nagging insecurity. One day. (:

But. It would be good, if I could have someone to talk to me about this. To let me know that I'm not the only one feeling this way, and to give me practical steps on dealing with it. Even in the BGR one. That would be extremely helpful.

Angels

2010-11-05T23:17:00.000+08:00

God. Thanks for watching over me last night. :)

I was sleeping over at Mel's place on Thursday, when we watched this series called My Ghost Story. It's those kinds where they show you paranormal activities and all. So, the story on that particular day was about the Villisca Axe Murders which happened almost 100 years which till this day remains unresolved. I was so disturbed by it, I was terrified when I went back. Didn't help that I wanted to know more about the mystery, so there you go. I freaked myself out.

Curiosity kills the cat. Please don't Google it. Don't say I didn't give you a warning.
That aside...

I prayed. Prayed that God would protect me, and that He'd give me His peace. Prayed that He'll give me a good night's sleep, with no nightmares and that his angels would be there too. I did my quiet time, and the verses I was directed to:

"For you are my hiding place, you protect me from trouble..." - Psalm 32:7

"If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home. For He will order His angels to protect you wherever you go...The Lord says, 'I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in My name. When they call on me, I will answer, I will be with them in trouble..." - Psalm 91:11, 14

Praise God :) He gave me a good sleep, with no nightmares at all. Plus, there was a mental barrier that kept me from thinking about that THING, even if I tried to. And I'm very sure that it was all His doing (:

God, thank You for being my shelter and protector. I'm calm, knowing that You are always keeping watch over me by my side, never once leaving me.

p/s: Gene, thanks for staying up with me too. Till the wee hours of the morning just because you wanted to make sure that I wasn't scared. Thanks for praying for me too. And reassuring me. I love you (:

pp/s: Thank you Charmain and Japheth for the quiet time book you gave me for my birthday. I have been very blessed and encouraged by it (:

So Long, Insecurity

2010-10-02T21:22:00.000+08:00

So, I haven't finished reading the book. But actually this isn't about the book at all.

I've always thought of myself as a confident person; with a healthy dose of self-esteem, just enough confidence, etc etc. Or so I thought. Until today, when I cut my hair and I thought I looked terrible...my self-esteem and confidence just dropped. It dropped till the point where I didn't even feel want to go to church or uni. And I was just shocked that my self-esteem was so fragile; even more shocked that it depended on how I looked.

I guess I was always quite adequate in the looks department. Nothing extremely great, but not a sore eye either. Just average. And I was never teased for anything- not my weight, or my looks, or grades. Never. So I guess I didn't have a reason to feel insecure about myself. Thus, I always deemed myself as confident and whatnot.

Till today. Gosh. I just can't comprehend how something so valuable; i.e. self-esteem depended on something so...stupid. This needs to change. And the scary thing is, I know for sure that I'm not the 'one of the few' who gets their confidence from something materialistic; looks, money, etc.

So God. I really need Your help in finding my security in You. I know we can do this :D
Cheers. To women all over the world finding security in Jehovah :)

I Just Don't Get It

2010-09-16T23:06:00.000+08:00

Why do students get so caught up in politics sometimes? Why do they go out and actively campaign even if it has nothing to do with them? Here are some things I can think of:

1. Wants to feel involved in something
2. Wants lecturer's recognition
3. They really feel strongly about it
4. Wants to feel good about getting involved

I mean. Do these people actually know what they're campaigning for, why they're campaigning and for what cause? Is it an issue that they feel strongly about or just some hype that will eventually die out? It annoys me sometimes, when people talk as if they feel so strongly about a certain issue, yet isn't able to express fluently the very reason they got involved. They give a totally unrelated answer. And that, sorry to say, aggravates me. Before you want to act as if you care so much about a certain issue, before getting so involved in it, please, look at your own intentions for doing so. If you honestly feel strongly about it, go ahead. But if these reasons are less than ideal, then don't. Because there are people out there, who truly want to change things. And these are the ones who do it subtly; they don't go round telling the whole world they're involved in this. They don't showcase it. But they genuinely go around, talking to people about their ideals and ideas, their principles and opinions, hoping that it will somehow impact and influence the other people out there. Not going everywhere shoving campaign videos all around. Don't act all emotional and give a less-than-comprehensible answer. And never, ever, give a half-past-12 answer. Don't repeat people's words as if they're yours.

Be involved because you BELIEVE you can make a difference; because what YOU have to say makes a difference; because these issues truly affect you. Do something, because these are YOUR principles you're STANDING UP for.

Don't do things like that just for recognition's sake, or because feeling emotional about something makes you feel good.

It all boils down to the main reason you want to do things. Perhaps its time for a little self-reflection.

Dear Daddy [11]; 180810

2010-08-18T22:54:00.000+08:00

Dear Daddy,

I met up with my Brats friends today, and it was awesome. It has been 2 years since I last met them, and they haven't changed at all! It was such a reassurance to see that friendships last even without much contact, and I dearly love them to bits.

Anyway. Today's topic in CF was about bridging the gap: Christianity & Chinese culture. The speaker focused on how love is lacking in Chinese homes. Nothing new there, but it really touched my core. When I was sharing with Charmain's KG, I almost felt like crying. I guess all I wanted to say is, Your reminder that your love comes so freely really touches me all the time. That You look at me like I'm the most precious thing in the world, that I don't have to feel insecure in anything because You love me so much, that You died for me. That even if I grieve You, You don't condemn me, yet You forgive me, countless times. With Your love, I don't have to feel like You love me for what I achieve, but for who I am, faults and all. And that You always see the best in me. I'm really comforted by that You know? Sometimes, All the time, I feel like my family loves me not for who I am, but for what I am. Sometimes I feel like my family only notices all my faults and weaknesses, and that makes me feel like I have no good in me. But I thank You Daddy, for giving me hope, and for loving me the same, for my weaknesses, and my strengths. And it's awesome cos You always encourage me. It's funny how I'm the one putting myself down all the time, but You always tell me that I'm so worth it.

On another note, I feel highly discouraged. My KG group is ALWAYS so small. It was only Danny and I today. I feel like our KG is boring, or perhaps I'm not good enough? I see other KGs always laughing, and they're pretty big in numbers. I don't know. What do You think, Dad?

Sigh. Assignments. 4 due next week. And I have no idea on how to do one of my assignments and I'm so worried. But I thank You that I'm always able to come to You in prayer, and You always know how I feel. That takes a lot of my chest cos I don't need to struggle to find words to put my feelings into.

I realized how dependent I am on You now. For love, security, peace & wisdom. And I get really discouraged when I don't hear from You. Ultimately, all I want to do is to please You. Because I feel really happy when I please You. I guess it's my way of saying that I love You too.

Thanks Dad. For everything. :) <3

Love,
Your daughter.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He loves you" - 1 Peter 5:7

" Don't worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" - Philippians 4:6-7

Reminiscence.

2010-08-15T20:52:00.000+08:00

Sometimes all I want is for us to go back to the times where things were just full of innocence and love. The times where we would miss each other. Times where we'd text so often. Text because we really wanted to spend time with each other. The times where our egos were not in the way, calculating who came to who first. The times where even 15 minutes with each other was so precious. What happened to all of that? Is it impossible for us to put our egos aside, just to go back to those days? Are people's impression of us so important that we're willing to forsake things that are close to our hearts?

I really want us to go back to how we were.

Alternate Reality.

2010-08-08T15:03:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, it feels like he cares about me more than you do. And that disappoints me truly.

Happy Ever After.

2010-07-26T23:08:00.000+08:00

I think I'm falling in love with you again and again, everyday. I love you. :)

And In Case I Don't See You

2010-07-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

Good evening, and good night.

Okay. Random quote haha. Sem 2 has started, Week 1 has flown by and tutorials will resume this week, along with all the assignments. I'm not sure how I'm going to maintain a 3.5 GPA from Sem 1, so, hello God, I'm going to rely on You again okay? *fist bump* I'm having a lot of stuff going on as well, with Sports Day planning, YEP, KG, EE. I've got a load on my hands this semester. Well. Hello discipline, you need to be active throughout the semester okay? Don't let your evil twin brother take over o.O

I want to learn how to dance well! And learn how to play the piano for worship. And learn how to sing better, write better. Self motivation. Haha.

This post is so dry. Meh.

RIP

2010-07-19T22:30:00.000+08:00

Goodbye Ben. Although I never took any of your classes, I feel really upset. You were a great lecturer who was always warm and friendly to anyone. I wish I could've known you better. :(

It's during times like these when I wished that I could turn back the clock.

Tired.

2010-07-17T13:31:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I don't know if what is important to me is important to you. I feel I'm putting more effort and care into this. Honestly, there are times when I feel like giving up, but I don't want to because I care about you. But do you care as much for me? I'm tired. Do you even care?

The Next Phase

2010-07-15T20:13:00.000+08:00

Sem 1 results are out. And I can only thank God for His favour. :)

Looks like I'll be going for prayer meetings and start serving in church soon! Hallelujah!
Thank You God. For being with me throughout the semester. For giving me peace when Gene told me results were out. And for Your favour of good results :)

Salt & Light of the World.

2010-07-14T18:52:00.000+08:00

I got a Facebook message from Fharylynna today. It said:

"Hey Lindley.. i was just going through some self-reflections for last sem's jrn unit on bb. yeah, sounds like i got nothing better to do. i found someone's self-reflections that are so similar to mine. plagarised, i may say? but oh well.. i trust Chin Huat's judgement in his marking..

but anyway, i saw your name and clicked on it. i didnt know we were in the same jrn lecture for 1 whole sem already. haha. well, i have to say i like your SR5 a lot. i honestly thank God for people who have a heart like yours. i mean, i sense sincerity and genuineness in your writing. and that's exactly what the world is lacking now - and sadly, even Churches too.

my church is having a major fund raising carnival on 31st july. we badly need this carnival to be a success cause we need the funds to move to a new premises very urgently. but what really surprises me is the non-christians are more willing to give and contribute than the christians themselves. even some other church pastors are reluctant to help out.

so much for "being a light", but how many are really being one? i guess this cf camp really got me thinking a lot. and definitely push me to get out of the "fear zone". And pass the salt.

by the way, well done to the committee. camps are definitely not easy to organize. but you guys pulled through. Praise the Lord! :) "

**********

This was really random. Of all people, I'd never expected someone I didn't know so well to read up on my Self-Reflection and message me about it. And what I wrote in SR5 wasn't anything spiritual either. It just said:

"Journalism. I guess deep down inside I really can't find words to express how I feel about this...field. It's a, 50-50 thing, I half like it and I half don't. I particularly love how I can learn so much more about a personality in person, not by the way the media portrays that certain person, but by meeting him/her and just having a chat, not so much a formalized interview. I guess sometimes people just really want to talk.

Especially big shots. It's nice to see them in their 'casual' mode. When they can just relax, and be themselves, instead of putting up a 'perfect front' all the time for interviews. I don't know. I for one, will not go into investigative journalism if I were to be a journalist. I'm not the kind of 'breaking news' person. Sure, I might get the glory for exposing certain issues. But that's not what I need. All I want is to get to know people, for who they really are; on a genuine basis.

Sure, some people can be a real pain in the butt when it comes to interviews. But that won't stop me from trying to get to know them. It's a challenge. To try to break through the 'outward' look that particular person is trying to pose.

And I don't mean to interview celebrities. They are well covered already. I want to write articles about those who do things who matter, because they genuinely care. About those who care for minorities, poverty. And those doing things to help make the world a better place.

Idealistic? I think so. But it makes me happy. :)"
***********

Receiving random notes like that really encourages me. It lets me know that I'm on the right track with God, and it just compels me to really stand up for Christ just by being honest, by having a good testimony, by living the life God wants me to live. It definitely is a struggle making the right decisions daily that would please God, because ultimately you just want to satisfy your own cravings, your own lusts, etc. But it really is worth it when you know that God is pleased with the way you live your life. There really would be no need to argue with your lecturer over Christian doctrines & theologies. There wouldn't be a need to argue with others over "Who's religion is better" because, ultimately our lives are able to show that Christianity is different. That it is based on love, and not ego. That we truly want to bring others to Christ because we care about them. Not because it's a debate that we want to win.

Fharyl was right when she said, "so much for being a light, but how many are really being one?"
Sometimes we just zoom past our everyday life, rushing through without thinking whether we really are impacting and imparting love to other people's lives. Telling people about Jesus. And I thank God for the awareness through camp, and through what Fharyl said. I guess its time we stop talking about it and get round to doing it. :)

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Between You and Fharylynna Foo

Fharylynna Foo July 14 at 3:20pm

Hey Lindley.. i was just going through some self-reflections for last sem's jrn unit on bb. yeah, sounds like i got nothing better to do. i found someone's self-reflections that are so similar to mine. plagarised, i may say? but oh well.. i trust Chin Huat's judgement in his marking..

but anyway, i saw your name and clicked on it. i didnt know we were in the same jrn lecture for 1 whole sem already. haha. well, i have to say i like your SR5 a lot. i honestly thank God for people who have a heart like yours. i mean, i sense sincerity and genuineness in your writing. and that's exactly what the world is lacking now - and sadly, even Churches too.

my church is having a major fund raising carnival on 31st july. we badly need this carnival to be a success cause we need the funds to move to a new premises very urgently. but what really surprises me is the non-christians are more willing to give and contribute than the christians themselves. even some other church pastors are reluctant to help out.

so much for "being a light", but how many are really being one? i guess this cf camp really got me thinking a lot. and definitely push me to get out of the "fear zone". And pass the salt.

by the way, well done to the committee. camps are definitely not easy to organize. but you guys pulled through. Praise the Lord! :)

Lindley Tam July 14 at 6:35pm

Haha wow, so much for randomness :D

Yeah. To be honest, the part where we were called to be 'salt & light' to the world didn't really hit me until I was in Arts. I was in Engineering for a year before that you see, but I switched :P But yeah, I see how the Christians in Arts don't really stand up for what they believe in either, and some lecturers have degrees in Christian theology, and they use that knowledge 'out of context' in a sense, sometimes they say Christianity is some pagan thing and whatnot. So it was during those times where I realized the importance of really knowing your bible, and standing up for what you believe in. And not being 'of the world' in a sense. Sometimes its really hard being a Christian in Arts, some Arts Christians would 'support' homosexuality and stuff, and when you make a stand against it, people call you closed-minded. But hey, God warned us about that already :)

I'm glad I was in your devotion group you know? In a way, although I didn't know you that well, some sort of respect for you grew, after hearing your thoughts on our devotion materials and all, and seeing how devoted you are to God. It really encourages me. God def works in His own ways. When I first came to Arts, I was worried I wouldn't be able to make friends because I've always been more comfy with boys, but guess who God put next to me on the first lecture? Charmain Sim! Don't know if you know her, but she's really devoted to God, and that's awesome. And now knowing you are in JRN!! Haha.

I do hope to see you more often in CF! Or if you did come for CF, I'm sorry I didn't take the effort to get to know you better lol. But do come! We're having a welcome party next Wed at 5.30, library rooftop! It'd be awesome to see you there.

Committee. Haha, trust me it wasn't easy. But things got back on track after we sat down to pray. I didn't notice that at first, but now I realized the power prayer has :)

Your random FB message has really encouraged me-lah. Haha. Thanks so much. Really. Let's continue to be 'lights' in campus! ♥

p/s: do you blog or something? :D

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Trust in Him.

2010-07-10T14:28:00.000+08:00

That's what I'm still struggling with. To trust Him with all my heart, and I'm constantly working on it. It's evident that He's been putting me through many tests and trials just to build up my trust in Him. I always wonder, why He needs to make me go through such nonsense and heartaches just to get a point across. Then again, I'll admit that if I hadn't gone through these things, I wouldn't have learned anything.

Camp was good. People got saved, others rededicated their lives to the Lord, the committee grew together as spiritual leaders. Looking at how the Lord works in situations like these really encourages me. He allows us to make mistakes, yet He'll always pull us back up and get us back on track. I've learned the importance of putting God first in whatever I do, be it running a camp, or planning, or simply going about my everyday life. I've come to the point where things don't feel right if my focus is all wrong. And I'm grateful that God has pushed me to where I am today.

I don't know what my calling is...yet. But I knew that when I first became a Christian last year, I immediately knew that God put it into my heart to care and love people, to use my experiences to edify and help others place their trust in God. I knew for certain that I wanted to be a Cell Leader one day. To be in a position where others naturally confide in you, the position where you can be more effective in leading others to the Lord. Not that you won't be able to do these things if you're not a Cell Leader, just that, you'll be more effective. Know what I mean?

I just feel that I'm not ready to be a KG Leader. I don't know enough, I don't love enough, I'm not patient enough. Joseph mentioned the other day that being ready is just a matter of time. Gene said to have more faith in God that He'll work things out. Gene also mentioned that maybe, this might be something God wants to put me in to help me grow, or to learn something that could be used in the future.

And maybe, this time...I'll trust in Him. I will..trust Him.

"Jesus I believe in You, and I would go to the ends of the earth for You"

Nostalgia.

2010-07-03T20:32:00.000+08:00

I went to school today, only this time, I went back as an alumni, as a senior who graduated from there 3 years ago. And it seemed like it was just yesterday that I was 17. The place didn't change much, it was just beautified with nicer tiles :)

Familiar faces were seen in a crowd of people. Nafis, Jia Hong, Victoria. Pn. Liew, Pn. Loo & Pn. Adilah. But I guess it was really heartache when I bumped into Nina, Ridz and Ran. It reminded me of how much I missed them, and the times when we were always together, doing things as prefects. Nina is still the same, laughs at just about anything. Ridz. Hm. He looks the same, minus the emo. Haha! And Ran! I grew up with him since Form 1. He still yells at my face. I'm glad :)

I look around at the current students of the school. It seemed odd and unfamiliar that I was once like that. Carefree, worrying only about studies, doing well in exams, and finishing homework. School definitely was a safe haven. This somehow struck a chord in my heart. I was just musing on how much more cynical I've become, how I've become more calculative. And truly, I miss that innocence that I once prided on.

I miss school. A lot. I miss the people. I miss Nina, Ran and Ridz. I miss the people whom I didn't get to see, like Avana and Rus, Simon and Mal. Oh, how times have changed. All of us taking different paths now. How I've gotten my own new set of friends, but they've still got each other- like family.

I look back at my school days, and I picture it in black and white. Like a really old memory that I've locked up somewhere. But elements of it are still existing in my life now. I see Nina, Fatin & Jeff in Monash. Randall knows Lillian & Sara. I still look at Ridz's Facebook to see what he's up to. I read Nina's blog pretty often. Life's different now, but there always seems to be decorated with a hint of nostalgia. And I'm grateful for it; allowing me to take a stroll down memory lane.

Severus Snape.

2010-07-01T11:50:00.000+08:00

I actually pity the poor guy. As I was watching the 6th installment of the Harry Potter series, it just dawned on me that Snape must feel so, confused? I don't even know what's the word for it. To be perceived by everyone (except a few) as a horribly bad/evil person who works for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, but in fact to do things (like killing Dumbledore) to save innocent souls from being 'torn apart'. I think he's a rather strong character, to be able to accomplish what was expected of him. To bear all the taunts in school, to be looked upon as an evil character when he's actually good. I would feel torn inside. How many people have that kind of strength to complete tasks like this?

Just a random point.

Anyways.
I finished cleaning up my room desk! Papers thrown out. Okay, so I didn't throw them out Chris. I recycled them. HAHA. Next up, camp preparations! Shall cross those out on my previous To-Do list that I posted a week ago =.=

I'm going to kill Andrew Chua. Make the games so dirty and wet for what. I don't have enough clothes lah!
p/s: I wanna learn how to put on make up. Anyone? LOL. And I feel like going shopping for cardigans :D

Well Now.

2010-06-28T14:19:00.000+08:00

As you can see. From the last post, I haven't canceled out any of my To-Dos. =.=

To-Do List.

2010-06-23T20:30:00.000+08:00

Blah. I don't like clearing up after exams. Pile of books on the table, on the floor, books everywhere. Loose papers. Files. Random things on the floor. I found an ant crawling on my bed o.O But I couldn't find anymore. Meh. I dislike clearing up. So. Here's my to-do list in which I shall cross off after completing each task!

Mission ImPossible [1]

1. Clean room.
2. Iron clothes.
3. Arrange bookcase.
4. Throw out unwanted papers.
5. Clean dressing table.
6. Clean side 'table' (which is actually a box haha)

Meh. Shall get started! JIA YOU! Ganbatte!

The Other Perspective.

2010-06-11T00:17:00.000+08:00

The heavy rain at night paints a pretty picture after it stops. Droplets falling of the waxed leaves of lush, green trees, accompanied by the fresh smell of the garden, transported by the cool wind. The night is clearer, I can see stars, and the moon. It's a full moon today. The curvy wooden structures used as benches glisten with small puddles of water on it. People look solemn after the rain. I wonder what they're thinking about. I wonder why.

I liken the gravel pavements to the stone ones found in New York. Glistening with the little puddles of raindrops, wet and shiny. Clean. Enough to give off a nostalgic feel to it. This, coupled with the whole surrounding captures the very essence of serene beauty.

The garden is small. With just a few trees. And it is then which I realized, that moments like these, I stop to appreciate its beauty. The difference, even a small garden makes, in the midsts of all the hustle and bustle.

Sheer Serenity

2010-06-04T20:33:00.000+08:00

It still amazes me, how we went from just friends to where we are now. We've known each other, just a little more than a year, yet, it's as if we've grown up with each other. Just being with you gives me a sense of serenity. Love, with an added pinch of innocence, familiarity, joy, security, and a handful of trust.

I often wonder how things would be like, if they were different from now. If I were to write a story, it'd start with "I was walking through a dark room, with just a slit through the window, letting sunlight in. Walking along the corridors, I stretch out my hand, as though I was holding an invisible person's hand. My eyes roam around the dark room, trying to find a door, and I finally look down at my feet-seeing a shadow. With another outstretched hand. And I try to hold it, not knowing it was mine. But it would be an illusion I was happy to have. And I just stopped thinking about finding the exit, because other thoughts occupied my mind..."

It never occurred to me, how hand holding would be a universal love language. From innocent love of little children, to intimate love of adults, and a sense of belonging to older folks. Just a simple way of saying that "I trust you" with all my heart.

Just. A sense of sheer serenity.
I love you.

Just Emotions Taking Me Over

2010-06-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

Caught up in sorrow, lost in a song.

Some random song that just popped up into my head while worrying about things. I seem to have a never ending stream of worries. Especially during exam periods. It really sucks the life out of me.

Dad might want me to apply for PTPTN loan instead. He doesn't really want to fund my education, not after what happened. Really. I'm at a loss. I feel pressured to get an average of 85. And I feel like I'm drowning. Like no one understands. Except for Jesus, and Carmen. I feel alone. Unloved. And I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel like giving up.

Because Words Aren't Enough

2010-06-02T12:42:00.000+08:00

So. Here I am. 12.37pm, Monash Library, target place: Aquarium.

Not blogging for a few days makes me feel weird already. Things have been really rough for the past few days. And sometimes I wished that I could just be someone else for one day. To see how things are like being successful in everything, gifted, having a nice family, having everyone like you and look up to you. Materialistic? Of course. But it's just a "I wonder" thing.

I'm grateful that when you struggle to put your emotions into words, that God is all knowing. That you don't need to to bother about mentally going through each word in your vocab to find the exact word to express how you're feeling. It's pretty draining. And frustrating after awhile. But God knows. And that comforts me already. Just a best friend who just knows you inside out. Someone you can bare your soul to, naked, be completely honest with about how you feel about things. Although you just feel like cursing the whole day away, but at least He cares.

I accidentally scratched Gene's macbook cover. And I'm feeling horrible- for lack of a better word. But whatever. I wished I had scored higher for JRN assignment. I wish I was like one of those students whom everyone knows, lecturers and students. Accomplishing things no one did.

But. I have things that they don't. Gene. Awesome friends. CF. God.
Ah. Life. I don't understand how people describe life. There's just too much to say about it.

Back Then

2010-05-24T08:23:00.000+08:00

Before we got together, we were best friends. We still are, and there's some sort of beauty to this kind of love.
I read back our older wall messages on Facebook, and I find them extremely cute. I smile as I read them, like a 20 year old reminiscing her childhood. And the memories that come back, from calling you Alpha Monkey, to teasing you about silly things. It brings back the innocence of a relationship, a reminder that things kept simple have some joy in them too.

I love you best friend. And you should start blogging again. Did you know that I re-read your older posts many many times over? I like reading them. It reminds me of what we were, and how we got so excited at the thought of seeing each other, even for 45 minutes. And I like that. :)

When I Was a Little Girl, I Asked My Mother, What Would I Be?

2010-05-23T20:07:00.000+08:00

No, It's not the whole, pretty/rich thing in the future.

This is just a random post of all the things I had aspired to be last time, ranging from when I was 4 to 20.

It shall be done in a list-order thing, and one more thing.

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO LAUGH. *ahem*

I shall start.

1. When I was 4-6, I used to watch a lot of "Land Before Time", and if you don't know what that show is, its about a few dinosaurs. Since then I wanted to become a paleontologist! My mum bought dino books for me, and I was so proud of myself because I knew what dinos were in which period, eg. Crustacean/Jurassic, etc. LOL

2. During the Star Wars era, I wanted to travel to a galaxy faaarr faaaar away, and I wanted to be a...jedi o.O It was when I was about, 8 [?] and I was watching the older series of the Star Wars movies. There was Princess Leah, and she's so cool with her buns hairstyle. o.O I wanted to be the greatest jedi ever, and that they'd make a movie out of me. HAHA

3. I took drama lessons when I was about, 7-9. And I must say, I did go from junior to senior class pretty quickly. I was in love with Leonardo DiCaprio and I wanted to be an actress like Kate Winslet, because she always acts with him. LOL

4. When I was 9 I think, I watched those Indiana Jones movies. And I thought those were uber cool. Going into tombs, evading traps and emerging the victorious hero with that ~~golden chalice thing~~ Holy Grail. So..I wanted to be an, Indiana Jones [I don't know what's the actual word]. I kinda changed my mind shortly after, because, I don't know, I didn't know what the word was, so I wanted to be an archeologist. Good enough for me :D

5. I was exposed to musicals at a very young age, from Phantom of the Opera to Les Miserables and the like, and I aspired to be a Broadway singer! Actually, I still would like to be a Broadway star. Like Rachel Berry. Haha!

6. From 12-17, I must say, I was a pretty good sportswoman. I won a lot of medals (compared to Academics) and then it came to a point where I wanted to be a professional athlete! So cool right. I wanted to do track for Olympics :D

7. Ever since I started piano when I was 5 or 6, I always had a passion for music. And right up to when I was 17 or 18, I was quite adamant on taking up music as a degree/career. I didn't mind becoming a piano teacher, but my parents advised me against it. (Digression: My spelling is going down the drain. I spelled advised as adviced, and I had no idea that there was no such word as spelt. Blah) Anyways, I was happy I could take a music unit in Monash, but the way the course is structured... :( :( :( :( :( *read between the lines you COM students! I included emoticons for easier deconstruction of meanings :D *

8. Can you believe it? There was once where I just wanted to get married, have kids. End of story. LOL. So unprofessional. I still have that dream though. *hints* :P

I think, this is all I can remember, for now. Haha. I must say, I was quite an active child. :P

Peace.

2010-05-19T23:55:00.000+08:00

I can't believe I was so mad yesterday. Actually. It's been over a span of 3-4 months of feeling extremely empty and dry. And it built up, till I couldn't take it anymore. I was complaining, ranting, about how I had to fight for things, and how come God just let shit happen to me. I mean, other people seemed to have it easier. I had to go through failure after failures, rejections, to get where I am now. And that's not even...anywhere. I ~~wanted~~ expected God to at least do some things for me. Make things easier. And I just got so mad, disappointed, everything.

Then. I think. I hope...that it really was God who spoke to me today.
"Its not about what I can do for you, its about what you can do for ME when times are bad for you. About how you keep holding on, serving other people because I commanded you to, because I put it in your heart to have a burden for people. I made you emotional because I know that it'd be easier for you to relate to others, thus have compassion for people around you. Remember. its not about what I can do for you. Its about what you can do for ME."

So. God, is that You? I sure hope so.
The thing about God. I really don't like how He does things to make me learn. Like, putting me through so many many many hardships, hurts, etc. just to get His point across. And boy, does it stay with you like Velcro. It'd be so much easier if He would just tell us like that. But then again, I guess we won't take it seriously and forget about what He had to say in the first place.

It's funny. How I complain about my life, about God and His apparent not-doing-anything-to-easy-my-burden thing. And at the end of it all, after that 'season', I look back and finally understand why everything happened as it should. It just "tings!" you know? Like that little light bulb. And btw, I didn't know that light bulb was a 2 word thing. I thought it was lightbulb.

Anyway. I'm glad I feel..Hm...Refreshed isn't the word. Lets just say I'm getting there.

p/s: Thanks Charmain for reading my blog, and asking how I was in CF. Totally made my day :)

Rejection Part 2.

2010-05-19T01:19:00.000+08:00

It's even worse when people expect me to keep up with Gene's spiritual maturity. I know he has loads of potential, I know he's awesome and everything. But really, constantly reminding me of that isn't helping in any way. I feel pressured to grow, for all the wrong reasons. And I don't like it.

To you. Stop trying to understand me when you don't. It makes me aggravated. Although I do appreciate your staying up with me to listen. But stop trying to compare you and me because it doesn't work. Do you even care about me? Does it bother you that I'm bothered about my spiritual life? Or are you just concerned about other people who needs God more? Who am I supposed to turn to when I have problems like these? I'm sick of the "pray about it response". IT'S NOT WORKING!

To you. Stop being so emotional. It's not helping either. Just small little things and you react so much towards it. So what if you're a Sanguine Choleric? It doesn't matter. Get a grip on your emotions, or you might lose the people that you love the most. Then you'll REALLY be all alone.

To you. Thanks for taking time off your assignments to talk to me, advice me, and tell me that it's okay to behave a certain way. For telling me of your past experiences. For buying little things for me all the time. I really appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart. I feel loved by you. Really. Thanks for caring and thinking about me :)

To You. This is not funny. Even if You're trying to teach me something. I don't like feeling this way. And it's not helping that You don't answer me. I'm angry with You. Really. What do You want me to do now?

Rejection.

2010-05-19T01:08:00.000+08:00

Angry. Frustrated. Rejected. Disappointed. Lonely.

Those words don't even do justice to describe what I'm feeling now.
God don't You see? Yes I'm mad. I'm mad at you, I'm mad at church, I'm mad at things going on around me. And where are You now? I keep seeking You but I don't find You, and yet I'm trying to hold on to Your words.

I want to serve. You put it in my heart to serve in church since mid last year. Why all this nonsense now? Is this Your idea of a game? Time after time I need to fight for what I want. When will this ever stop? I'm getting tired. I don't want to fight anymore. I feel like I've stopped growing spiritually. Prayers don't seem like what they used to be. Now they seem empty, as if I was talking to myself. Devotions done for the sake of doing it. Where are You God? I hate this feeling. I don't know what I'm doing right or what I'm doing wrong. Can You at least answer something?

Reminders.

2010-05-16T22:10:00.000+08:00

I've just finished my Music essay which is due tomorrow. And as I sit here, with nothing to do, it feels weird. Not having to rush around looking for lecturers, or to stare at the laptop screen for hours reading up for research purposes. And in the midst of this tranquility, I just long to go back to the times where I would just sit with God every night for about half an hour, talking to Him. Ranting, giving thanks, or just letting Him know how my day went. Just like a daughter would say to her dad. The times where I could not sleep if I did not have my Quiet Time with Him, to the times where I relied on Him when I was going through rough periods.

Maybe because He is blessing me with good results and good time management. I'm taking it all for granted. I've always wanted to be different from the rest, to accomplish things that others could not, to stand out from the crowd, to be noticed. Noticed, in the materialistic sense. I wanted that pretty badly. Hence, I worked hard, making sure I'd score no less than Distinctions for everything. Now that its all done, everything feels pretty empty. At least, when I wasn't doing well in Engineering, God was still there. I could feel His presence around me.

Maybe it's Him trying to tell me that accomplishments in life aren't really worth anything, if you don't really have God in your life. Maybe He's telling me to take a step back from all the rushing and hurrying around, the pushing through life routine. Just to take time off and talk to Him again, about everything and anything. To be in that state where I was that little girl chatting happily away with her dad. To be that girl who just wanted to live her life in a way that pleases and honors God. That everything beyond that, didn't matter. Because pleasing God just gave her joy in her heart.

We heard the sermon about grace today. Serving grace. That's what I want. To serve God in ways that exceed my own expectations, to rely on His strength to serve His people. To have a bigger heart for people than for my own self. To just say YES to what God wants me to do. And to be encouraging to Gene in his ministry too, even if he comes out full time in the future. To appreciate the small things that people do for me. To remember what they've done for me. People who've blessed me in countless ways.

I'm going to take time off tonight. Just to spend half an hour with God. Just talking. Like a daughter would with her dad.

A Realization.

2010-05-13T11:29:00.000+08:00

I realized that little things make my day. Be it someone who just says "Hey, you have a nice smile. It cheers people up", to little cards or notes from people just saying thanks. I guess it reminds me of how I've always loved helping and impacting others, just to be a small light in their lives. To at least, have done something in their life.

People often say that as you grow older, life becomes more and more complicated. Why is it so hard to see from a child's view of the world? Where people still had some good in them, where the world wasn't as dark as people made it out to be.

It is indeed nice to do something for people out of the sincerity of your heart. And the reward? Just to see them smile, feel relieved or encouraged, or a small thanks. :)

Education is a Conspiracy

2010-05-12T17:00:00.000+08:00

Seriously. Think of this:

1. You pay thousands of dollars (which can be used to be a nice piano or a nice car) to go to a university for a PIECE OF PAPER
2. You pay thousands of dollars to get assignments given out to you, with horrible deadlines
3. This causes stress. STRESS I TELL YOU.
4. And then how? Stress already so blood pressure increase. Pay money some more for healthcare.
5. After assignments, pay money to sit for exams. Then when you don't do well, you cry. At least, I do. And I feel depressed after that.
6. You pay money to get a basic degree. And then what? WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS NOT ENOUGH!? (!*@&%*
7. You pay even more money to get a Masters. WHAT. STILL NOT ENOUGH?!
8. You pay so much more money to get a PhD. All for the Dr in your name. I have to admit, sounds pretty cool. But.

Anyway. Point is...See. What did I tell you? Makes sense or not?

Haiya all the stress is getting to me. Meh.

What She Said.

2010-05-11T00:20:00.000+08:00

I wonder if what she said was right. To not wanting to be the wrong cause for his spiritual growth. And I often wondered where's the sense in that. Perhaps I'm beginning to understand now. I feel lousy. And I wished that I was at a higher spiritual level so that I could at least help him out when he needs it. This feels terrible. Besides this being the wrong motivation for spiritual growth, it makes me feel L-O-U-S-Y. Like crap.

That I can't even help him in simple matters. What on earth is experience for if I can't help anyone.
I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Like crap. Angry. Disappointed with myself. Whatever.

I'm upset. And sometimes this feels like a race, although its not supposed to be one.

Inspiration...

2010-05-10T23:15:00.000+08:00

I need some. To write. About anything and everything in the world. Be it random or not. I need to polish up my writing skills, I feel like it's going down the drain. Not a very good sign for a communications student. Meh. I shall let my thoughts flow until I come up with something comprehensible...

195100467 minutes later...

Dinner was good. Thanks Jarrod :D
Nuts. Inspiration has un-friended me for the moment. NOOOOO I have assignments due! Come back!
I think I'm going nuts.

10 things I am feeling right now.

1. I don't feel like doing my Com assignment. Although I'm kinda like halfway done. Screw youuuu procrastination! :(
2. I'm recovering quickly! YAY :D Thank you God for Vitamin C, cough syrup that tastes like crysanthemum, friends who make me laugh, sayangs from Gene, Panadol, more Vitamin C, and herbal pills o.O
3. I feel like taking up Karate again after watching My Mighty Princess. It's about martial arts. Hmm. Talk about getting easily persuaded.
4. I need to lose this 3-month pregnant tummy.
5. I don't want Andrew Lin to go over next semester. No one to layan me anymore. And I can't believe I'm mentioning this on my blog. He knows anyway. Haha.
6. Video editing is a pain, but it's like magic. It's so koooool! :D Wei Yan is my new inspiration. LOL.
7. I miss Gene. I bet he knows that.
8. Danny. That soft toy is extreeeemmmeely cute.
9. Why do people type kyute instead of cute. =.=
10. I get annoyed when people speak English with that heavy Malay accent. Forgive me. It's an in-born pet peeve of mine.
11. Rachel Chua is funneh! I asked her what units she'll be taking so I know that I won't be alone next semester. :P
12. I'm overshooting the 10 things that I mentioned earlier.
13. I should probably get started on COM as this list can drag on forever and ever since random stuff keeps popping up.
14. OH! Totally forgot about my COM presentation tomorrow. Okay. I REAAALLY SHOULD GET STARTED.

15. LINDLEY. STOP BLOGGING NAO! AND DO YOUR PRESENTATION! SHEESH. YOU'RE SO ANNOYING. NEVER LISTEN.
16. Okay. I'm crazy like that. Scolding myself :0!

Meh. Can't wait till assignment period is over. I feel like writing notes for exams :P
p/s: Am I a nerd? :( :( :(

Well now...

2010-05-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

...this is hard. Thoughts and emotions just flooding through my system right now, that even trying to express it in words has become a chore. Trying to string together a little 'sense' that sounds coherent. Sanguine Choleric. What are the odds.

I guess what I really want to say to you:

What do I really mean to you? And how much do I mean to you? Am I important? Or someone to just push aside when someone else's needs need to be met? What about the time that we spent together? Is it meaningful, or is it not worthwhile? Do you even understand how I feel when I tell you about it? Or do you just think that I'm being unreasonable? What are your priorities? Am I one of them? Do you think that I'm just being insanely insecure, till a point that it is aggravating? Do you still love me as much as you did? Or do you just deem me as someone who is supposed to understand everything and be supportive of every single thing that you do? Even when I don't express how I feel, inside I am hurt. I won't use cliche terms like my heart feels like it is being sliced by a knife. But I feel choked as I try to keep the tears in. I struggle to pretend to smile, and at that very moment it feels that smiling is such a hassle compared to frowning. I just want to scream at you, to make a fuss, a tantrum to see what you'll do. Will you calm me down? Or just walk away? But yet I choose not to do those things. Because you really don't need to deal with stuff like that.

But what about me?

Just Him.

2010-04-24T00:06:00.000+08:00

God has been good to me. Really. I was going through an extremely tough time the whole of last year, what with a break up, bad relationship with my family, failing 3/8 units in Engineering, almost not being able to study in Monash anymore, not being allowed to play the piano for worship in CF because I didn't have any experience, and all that.

There were times I wondered, why God's allowing so many horrible things to happen to me all in a year, one after the other...one heartbreak, disappointments, continuous failures, more disappointments. And I struggled most of the time. To just ignore the circumstances and start believing and trusting in Him. Things didn't seem any better, the start of this year was terrible: dad not allowing me to work in church, outcome of my application to continue studying in Monash seemed bad, dad not allowing me to go for prayer (which means no serving in church yet), relationship with my family just going downhill. And I was getting really discouraged if it weren't for Gene. Really, I thank God so much for opening my eyes to see what an amazing guy Gene is.

But, in these turbulent times, I had hope. So much hope that I thought would just kill me if what I hoped for didn't come true. But the Lord was good to me. And faithful. Things started to get waaaay better than I even expected. My relationship with my sister improved drastically after that bad row with my dad over church stuff. My application to continue studying in Monash was approved. Ps Louisa and Abel allowed me to serve without having to go for prayer because of my circumstance. I was given the opportunity to serve in the Ushering department in CF, and worship lead and play the keyboard. And I've been doing so well in my new course- getting no lower than Distinctions for all my assignments so far, and one which I managed to score a 95%, a paper that my lecturer said was one of the best that he marked this semester. And trust me, I could not have managed to come up with all those points by myself, I'd never have thought of it; it's all God's wisdom. Before I do my assignments, I always pray for wisdom now. And I find myself being able to come up with a lot of uncommon but excellent points for my assignments. And I've been managing time well. Indeed God has been good to me.

In terms of my relationship with Gene, we're more stable. I throw a few tantrums sometimes but I'm still learning. And I believe that God is slowly guiding me everyday with Gene. I really thank God for having Gene in my life. Someone I can just be with without having to worry about whether he'll judge me or anything of that sort. Someone who'll just be there when I need a friend, and someone to sayang me when I want to feel loved. Just that special someone to trust, knowing that he'll never betray that trust; but someone who'll continue to build that relationship up.

It really is amazing, the way God works. Indeed, He works through many ways, ways in which I never imagined would work out. God's truly an awesome God. And I'm excited that I've already started my journey with Him, I just can't wait till I am at that stage where I am able to just enjoy that deep, personal relationship with Him.

Above all, I'm thankful that He is always always there for me, never leaving me alone, constantly hearing and knowing my hurts and dreams, and comforting me in His own ways.

And this..is my testimony to share. :)

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them - Romans 8:28

Dear Daddy [10]; 170410

2010-04-18T00:58:00.000+08:00

To: Daddy

Helloo dad! I think I haven't written to You in quite awhile. I'm settling down in my course. And guess what! I've got a Distinction for my first Journalism Assignment. Thank You for guiding me while I was pondering over what to cover. Trusting You really makes a difference. I just pray that my other results will be as good, or probably even better.

You know, Daddy? You have blessed me with a lot of things that I take for granted: family, church, sometimes Gene, studies, talents. Sometimes I think I'm not good enough, but I'm reminded that You love me for me. And that makes me really happy already. Sometimes it feels like enough. Like You're the only being in the world whom I want to please. And I guess I need to learn how to come to that stage every time. To find satisfaction and joy in pleasing You alone.

Dad. Did You know that I'm really interested in Apologetics? Well, You knew that before I even said anything. I hope that You'll continue to speak to me and to nudge me along the way when I'm seeking answers. :) Thanks for everything Dad. For Gene. My grades so far. My strengths, talents and abilities. Friends. Church. For giving me a love for people. Teach me to be more and more like You as I walk with you every day.

Love,
Your daughter.

What That Boy Does

2010-04-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

... He gives in to my demands when I'm upset but my family or other things. He reassures me of his love constantly. He sings me songs so that I'll go to sleep after I'm upset. And I get really fussy about the songs that he sings, I want love songs. He sings nursery rhymes and Elvis songs. And he laughs and says that I'm really fussy, but he sings anyway. I interrupt him after a few minutes, asking him to play the guitar and sing, and he humours me too.

He's amazing. For all that he is, and all that he does.

Insecurity: An Illusion?

2010-04-05T12:48:00.000+08:00

I don't know what's with the title. It just seemed catchy. Anyhow...

I'm having this problem with security. Especially with Gene. Because he's such an awesome guy, and I'm this less-than-awesome girl. And I'm just afraid that one day, a more awesomer than awesome girl will catch his eye and..you know what will happen after that. This insecurity, will probably drive him away one day. He's still extremely patient now. But I'm more than demanding. I want his attention, I want to spend time with him. I feel so selfish. Even reading this post with so many I's makes myself disgusted.

Damn. I love him. But I don't know if the way I act contradicts how I truly feel about him. But I love him with all my heart.

The Divinely Inspired Book.

2010-04-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Imagine if you had the key to every person's mind, the one that can open the lock to the door of secret thoughts. Imagine what you'd find in there. Assignments, relationship questions, life, God, The bible, people.

And the list goes on.

People ask around about assignments. They go to relationship gurus for answers to relationship problems. Pastors about life and God. Psychologists about people. But how many dare to voice out their questions regarding the bible? The discrepancies, contradictions. Or do people just accept it?

There's also the question of whether we, as Christians, are allowed to question the bible. Are we allowed to question God? I really doubt that one can fully comprehend the bible, there must be some things to ponder upon. Or is it a 'taboo' to question? People say the danger of questioning is, whether you're doing it to prove God wrong, or whether it is for your own ego to know that your religion is the right one, or even questioning to a point where you start to abandon your faith.

I questioned the bible. My soul felt disturbed, I felt extremely guilty for doubting the bible. But I remembered that we were called to defend our faith too. And the questions that I asked? It was answered. Whether God answered my prayers regarding these issues, or not, I'm glad that the answers that I got strengthened my faith even more. It brought my understanding of God's love to another level.

I want to reach that stage where I have such an amazing relationship with God. To understand the significance of the cross, and not just take that for granted, but to appreciate it. I love God, really. He's such a big part of my life. And I know that He allows us to question Him. Whether He gives answers, that's up to Him. When He will give them? He decides too.

I don't really know the point that I'm trying to make here. I'm just glad that I've gotten my answers, and that I feel reconnected to God again. That I no longer doubt Him, or His word. That I can fully trust Him, although I may not understand His actions. That I can run to His arms anytime because I'm gaining a deeper understanding of His love for me. That my faith in God is stronger. That I can tell people of the love God has for all of us. Because I've experienced it first hand.

Again, I went off topic. There really was no topic in the first place. Just a piece to word my jumbled thoughts. Not to connect them, but to remind myself that God's real, and His word is real. And that even when I doubt Him, He never leaves me. And He allows me to come running back to Him every single time, asking for His forgiveness. And He gives it to me without fail, never criticizing me, or telling me "I told you so", but just giving me that quiet, gentle reassurance that it's okay; that He still loves me as much as ever.

Love. It does lead to repentance. His love just overwhelms me. It made me feel so guilty for doubting Him. It made me even more guilty that I was running back to His arms after doubting Him. And that He accepted me, silently without saying anything more. And He reassured me, that He still loves me, even after I doubted Him.

Now where can you find a love like that?

Defying Gravity

2010-03-23T22:51:00.000+08:00

I feel upset. I feel as though I'm mediocre in everything that I do, even after putting in so much effort. I compare myself to other people who are loads better than I am in what I'm passionate about: singing, dancing, piano, studies, etc. I was just talking to Victor about how I felt, and he did mention something note-worthy; you don't have to touch the whole world to feel significant. Failures were my stories to tell, they're my testimonies. I just longed to excel in at least one thing that I do.

I fell, badly. I scraped my knee, bled terribly. But I got up again, fought for what I wanted and got it. I'm going to continue to be that fighter. I'm gonna try defying gravity. And it won't bring me down. :)

Little Idiosyncrasies in Life

2010-03-22T23:31:00.000+08:00

Imagine yourself as an invisible soul, scanning through the crowd of people. They can't see or hear you, but you can observe them. And you find that the more you observe, the more you learn about people- how they interact, what they talk about, petty habits that they do while queuing at the cafeteria. It can be pretty amusing, these things that are randomly going on in life.

Breakfast for the Brain

2010-03-18T10:18:00.000+08:00

It's 10 am, and I have a class quiz in an hour. Yet, I find that I'm distracted with the little, at times, insignificant musings of life. It constantly echoes in my thoughts, how we tend to push out these little things, when seemingly bigger 'points-to-ponder' comes knocking at door to our brain. How we take so many things for granted. It's odd when people tend to notice that they're taking materialistic things for granted. But how about creation, life and God? Thoughts that shouldn't be taken lightly, we definitely should give more value to these musings.

I read these few lines from a friend's blog, and it just made me stop to think about how much we appreciate God's hands of creation.

Just staring at the little girl, I can't help but to be in awe of God. How can two cells develop into something so beautiful?

I realized that I need things like these to stop me from rushing through the day, just to stop, and wonder at the awesomeness of God. How often do we take a serene walk with God, just to enjoy His presence, and listen to Him speak? Instead of running around, trying to accomplish too many things in one day.

Wandering Thoughts.

2010-03-11T22:12:00.000+08:00

I guess, I just need to think things through, to list out my priorities, and learn not to give in to my heart all the time. It ain't easy, but I can do it. I'll occupy myself; I'll look ahead at those 4 HDs and fill up my time with studying, and planning for CF, and hanging out with my friends in between. Then I probably won't bug you so much :/

Communications has been good to me. I enjoy it, I find myself crawling out of that cocoon that I made last year, due to my retarded-ness in Engineering. I feel comfortable here. Like a natural habitat, where you feel so at home. I need to take care that this feeling doesn't get too comfortable, up till a point where I start to slack.

Hello God. I miss You, You know? I'm really happy in the CF, serving and all. Getting to greet people, smile at them, and when they smile back at you, and they emit this "hey, I feel welcomed" feeling, it really makes my day. Nothing can beat that feeling. :) I just need to remind myself to slow down, take it slow, and to just enjoy Your presence :)

She Laughs.

2010-02-25T19:16:00.000+08:00

... at the sight of young adults aged 20+, acting like 5 year old kids.
Victor: Are we there yeeeetttt?

HAHA. Things like these really make my day. :)

Believe Me.

2010-02-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I feel so selfish, immature, unconsiderate. Up till a point where I start asking myself whether I should really be your girl. I'm so afraid that one day, it's just enough for you to take. When you're busy, I tend to make a fuss about you not spending time with me. I feel absolutely horrible after doing that. But I'm changing, really. I'm trying hard. I'm working on it. Sometimes you're tired and I tell you to go take a bath and sleep. But I do that begrudgingly. It pains me to tell you that, when all I waited for the whole day was to spend a little bit of time with you. But I do it cos, I guess thats what you really need after a long day. Sometimes I feel like I'm holding my tears inside of me. My throat feels choked, and I just look forward to tomorrow, where I might have a chance to spend time with you. Sometimes I lie, when you ask if everything is okay, or whether I'm disappointed. I don't want you to feel bad about not spending time with me, or even feel obligated to. This isn't all about me. It's about you too.

It's so scary how you can see right through me sometimes. I wonder if I'm ever capable of hiding my emotions behind this 'curtain'. Ernest told me that I needed to stop needing you so much. But do I really? Honestly, I get scared. Whenever you start talking about church work and all, and its even scarier at the thought of you becoming chairman of 365. But I don't want to take you away from doing God's work. It's so hard to cope sometimes.

I feel like my spiritual life is pretty stagnant right now. Like, I'm not really growing anymore. And then I begin to wonder if God's actually doing anything in my life. Whether people can see that I'm changed. Or whether I'm just the girl I was. Sometimes I wonder if its worth it, putting so much effort into this, when nobody notices that I've changed for the better. Especially my parents. I wonder if I can keep up with your spiritual growth sometimes. What happens when I can't keep up with you, and you decide that you want a more godly girl, someone who's more involved in church? Someone you can relate to about serving and all. I'm not that girl. Not yet. I don't know if I'll ever be.

My best friend isn't a Christian. Other people seem to be so busy with their studies. I can't really talk to church people either in case they talk. I don't know who to turn to sometimes. I feel alone. And this is when I feel that my tear ducts are being overly-used. I guess I'm thinking too much. But I'm trying hard to change, really. To be more accepting and understanding of circumstances and situations. It's hard, but I really am trying. Believe me.

Wise Words.

2010-02-20T22:48:00.000+08:00

I saw a very wise quote a Muslim friend of mine which I think can be applied to all of us believers.

"Life is God's novel. Let Him write it" :)

Patience, A Virtue.

2010-02-20T13:19:00.000+08:00

I need need NEED to learn how to be more patient. I feel like ranting on how you're busy with church things half the time. You'll be even busier once uni starts. But if i do, I'll be forgetting the times you came over just to hang out with me, even when you're tired after work. And I appreciate that. It's just that when you brush me off then I feel neglected. Or when we can't even have an hour of a decent chat, without you being occupied by anything else. Sometimes I feel so tired of waiting for your replies, I just feel like signing off Skype, and switching off my handphone. Maybe I shall do that when I feel frustrated.

Darn it.

Just A Random Thought

2010-02-19T13:30:00.000+08:00

I often read blogs, and I come across many girls who lament about their boyfriends not appreciating them, just taking them for 'playthings', not being committed or serious. And I look at myself and think, "Hey, I'm really lucky. I've got a great guy who loves me, really cares for me, appreciates me, and above all that, he's my best friend." How awesome-er can things get?

He's not the kind of guy one would notice at first. No strikingly good looks, or incredible intelligence. He's just an average guy, with above average looks and brains. But he's got an extraordinary heart. :) And I'm thankful he's who he is. I would not want to exchange him for another guy in the world. Ever.

Sometimes.

2010-02-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

We slipped today. Again. And we regretted it after, as usual.
Why is it so hard to do what's right? Sometimes I wonder whether doing the right thing is worth it. If in the process of wanting to do what's right, you lose someone so precious to you. Someone you're trying to keep from hurting or falling, and yet in the midst of all that, you lose him. And that sucks, big time.

I love you and I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to be the cause of your fall either. I want to make you happy, not frustrated. I want to care for you. I want us to do what's pleasing in God's eyes. I would like you to be the godly man I know God is building you up to be.

God, I know I just had a talk with you yesterday, on being more faithful to you, and being more obedient. I fell already and I've picked up myself again. God, I truly want to do things that are pleasing to you, it seems so hard sometimes because I feel as if You're not real sometimes. I know that You are, but its just a feeling, that something, or someone else is more real than You are. I need to know that You're here with me. Thank You for constantly forgiving me, and giving me 397260836531 chances. God I pray, guide the two of us. Amen.

Dear Daddy [9]; 170210

2010-02-17T00:32:00.000+08:00

To: Daddy

Dad. I think I have been feeling quite distant from you lately. My quiet time with you hasn't been very productive. It's been feeling very slip shot, and that 'doing-it-for-the-sake-of-doing' feeling is there too. One of my resolutions this year was to have a closer, deeper relationship with You, and thats a resolution that I want to keep. I long to hear from You again, as clearly as I did last year, when You spoke to me when I was upset, or when I was thinking random thoughts.

Dad, You have put many people in my life to encourage me in my walk with You. People like Su Yin and Christina especially. Those little notes I always got from them, it makes me feel loved and accepted. And it gives me a desire to know You better because it encourages other people to see how my walk with You has grown.

Christina wrote a note for me to read before she left. It said, "Don't settle or feel contented with where you're at, but hunger for more because He has so much to offer." And as I read that, I feel that it's true. That You have so much more to give me. You already taught me that I will be fine as long as I trust in You. You helped me when I was worried about my university application, and somehow I have a strong feeling that You'll help me too in my new course.

I want to accomplish so much more for You. To do well in my studies, be a good daughter, to have a good testimony- all for Your glory. Because I want people around me to see what an awesome God I have. A loving Father who gently chides me in the right direction, to be there to comfort me when I cry, to be proud of me as I am. Accepting and constantly forgiving me too. I want to start serving in church, and I'm glad that I've been given the chance to do more for You in the CF.

Dad, I want to know you deeper. To be closer to You. To really be able to recognize Your voice, whether it is loud and commanding, or soft and chiding. To be able to say "Yes God" to whatever You'd like me to do. To love others as You've loved me. To make a difference in the lives of people I care about.

Even in my relationship with Gene, God I know I haven't been the most obedient girl, but I would like to go back to the times where we put You first in our relationship, and whatever we did, we did to please You, not ourselves. To go back to the time where gaining Your approval was the most important thing to us. To please You, because when You're happy with us, we're happy with what we've done.

I haven't said this in awhile... I love You Dad. Lots. I love my friends, family, Gene and his family too. Thank You so much for them.

Love,
Your daughter.

Love

2010-02-06T11:51:00.000+08:00

Is not bliss. There's hurts and happiness in between, but definitely something I would love to go through all over again.
I'm a happy person. :D

It's finally official LOL =.=

Why?

2010-01-16T13:27:00.000+08:00

Why is it that when I try to do something right, it always ends wrongly? :(

This Is How I Truly Feel.

2010-01-15T23:03:00.000+08:00

God,

Honestly, I've been quite angry with You these past few weeks. I feel lost, confused, I don't have a direction. I'm worried about so many things, my education, being able to come to church, family. I've just been hit with disappointment after disappointment. Exam results, then the insecurities about Monash, then family, then church. I have no clue as to what is going on, and I definitely do not know what the future has in store for me, what You have in store. I would really appreciate it if you could just reveal Your plan to me slowly, it will help me understand and accept things a whole lot more.

Things have snowballed, till a point where I started questioning Your existence.

But I was wrong. I realized I've been wrestling You. That I don't want to go to Taylor's, even if You wish for me to be there. That I just want things to go MY way. That I don't want to give up without a fight, even though ultimately You'll win, cos You're God.

I made a resolution just now. I will submit to the plans that You have for me. I will continue to put my faith and trust in You because You've never failed me. It's going to be hard for me to accept circumstances, I'll be hurt about it, but I'll come out of it a stronger person, as well as stronger in faith. I just need You to direct me.

Amen.

Overdue Resolutions.

2010-01-14T17:39:00.000+08:00

This is waaaay overdue, but I'm going to have a New Year's resolution which I intend to keep.

1. Stop biting my nails.
2. I'm fully aware that I'm 20 this year, hence, I will be more independent and not rely on others so much.
3. Be a more filial daughter.
4. Be more committed in everything that I do.
5. Have more control over my emotions.

5 is enough :P

My Best Friend.

2010-01-12T09:59:00.000+08:00

Just a while ago, I was crying my eyes out. Tears just kept coming, and I finally really understood the meaning of "attached". Attached to Monash, the CF, MPAC, the people there. A sense of foreboding of what was to come. Okay, maybe foreboding is too strong a word, but my heart just sank when they told me that one word- "Rejected". I felt partially empty, as if there was a hole in my heart.

But Gene was there. My best friend. To talk me through it all. Above those emotions and hurt, he spoke logic and common sense into me. Wiped away my tears. Became my brain when I let my feelings overrule my senses. Gave me a tight hug. And gave me sweet forehead kisses. Although I just kept harping on how I felt about it all, he was just so patient. Its during times like these when I appreciate him so much more. He doesn't tell me what I want to hear, he tells me what I need to hear. Encouraging too. And it has always been like that. I guess, that's why I've always gone to him for advice when I thought I needed it. He'd be able to see through me anyway, and guess my thoughts as they are.

I really wonder what I'd do without him. Even before we transitioned into the more-than-friends stage, I was quite dependent on his opinions regarding serious matters, so to speak. I've learnt a lot from him. And I truly appreciate that from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you Gene. For being my best friend too. :)

p/s: [EDIT]
I just found out about being able to apply for a course withdrawal, and apply again for a readmission into a new course, by using my pre-u results, since I'm starting over. The internal course transfer was to transfer credit points over. I feel extremely hopeful now, and am bursting with joy! Shall go to Monash tomorrow to get all those done with. I'm finally seeing the rainbow after the storm. Thank You God for giving me another chance. You truly see my desires and fears, my hopes and hurts. Thank You for taking me through this time, and sending an angel to help me through it all. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You Jesus.

Oh, and please heal my throat too. It hurts. :( Amen.

Dear Daddy [8]; 080110

2010-01-08T12:10:00.000+08:00

To: Daddy

Hey Dad? Remember how I was complaining to you that I felt Gene was so preoccupied even so late at night, and I was grumbling about it to You? How I was waiting the whole day just to have one hour of his full attention, and yet he was still busy packing and all?

Funny how You spoke to me through all of that. I'm guilty as charged too!

You reminded me on how long You'd wait for me, the whole day in fact, just because You want to spend some quality time with me. When I do devotion, have my Quiet Time with You. And yet, sometimes, I don't give You my full, undivided attention. But You never complained. You just keep waiting and waiting for me. And sometimes, I don't even give You my attention- when I fall asleep without doing my devotions at all.

But You love me. And You've never given up on me either. You've just waited and waited, patiently because You love me.

Thank You Father, for waiting for me patiently everyday. Thank You for teaching me on how to deal with this, when I feel like Gene isn't giving me his full attention when he's busy. I'll learn how to be patient (:

Love,
Your daughter.

Messed Up?

2010-01-04T08:46:00.000+08:00

"Your life is messed up"

Pretty much sums up everything. And I'm still trying to find ways to deal with it, the wise and prudent way.
Some people are just so hard to please. And its worse when you're not given the chance to prove yourself.

Or maybe I have been given that chance. I just didn't seize it. This past month, my life has been clouded. I see a fog concerning my future. And my parents think that I'm rushing into doing Communications.

I wish they'd have more faith in me. And trust me that I know what I'm doing.
Is that so hard to give?

I'll just work harder to show them that I'm not the girl I used to be. That I'm more mature, and that I do care about their opinions. It may take some time getting used to, but thats okay. I've got time. (:

That Rocky Road.

2009-12-30T09:37:00.000+08:00

I guess, this is what learning to trust feels like. The element of uncertainty, mixed with a sprinkle of faith, add a pinch of hope, and a litre of love. and hopefully that would be able to start the engine of my car to drive over that bumpy rocky road which doesn't seem to have an ending. Of course, fuel alone won't be enough, you need good company, rest stops along the way and food. This is just one part of it.

One thing's for sure. I love you. And although that road seems rough, I'd go through it all. Because you've made me happy, so happy. If anyone took you away from me I'd be devastated. You're my little sunshine.

And I love you.

Hope? Or Not.

2009-12-22T21:53:00.000+08:00

My heart is torn, it hurts, and its empty. The thought that my future in Monash is so uncertain kills me.
I'm feeling so mixed up, one part of me is clinging on to that little bit of hope left, another part is angry because people with the power to help me won't help, another wants to just trust God but another is losing faith.

I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm lost. I don't feel joyful anymore, yet I need to constantly put up a happy persona in front of certain people. I don't like this sense of fearfulness and insecurity.

Whatever happened to that bubbly girl I once knew?

This Is The Day.

2009-12-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

This Blogger...

Will be off till Wednesday for 365 YOUTH CAMP! (: (: (: (: (: (: (:

On another note,
I think, I got baptized in the Holy Spirit today. It was amazing, everyone was just speaking in tongues, there were shouts, people were crying, I think I was speaking in tongues too. I'm not sure whether I'm just imitating what I've heard others say or whether I'm really saying it. Oh well, I guess that's where faith comes into play.

I think I packed too many clothes for camp =.=
I hope youth camp will be a time where I will get to hear God more clearly and form a deeper relationship with Him. God has been nothing but amazing to me, in everything that I do, or for everyone He's placed in my life. I just need to be patient for Him to reveal His plans to me. Patience patience patience. Sigh.

I need to learn how to be more patient. Lol. =.=
I love God. (: (: (:

Hey God?

2009-12-11T02:51:00.000+08:00

...If its anything I'm thankful for, it's because I have you in my life. And that alone makes things so much more exciting, so real. Even my relationship with Gene, it's more true because of You. I just want to praise you and thank You. I want to surrender my all to You. Thank You Jesus. Amen.

Thank you.

2009-12-07T10:53:00.000+08:00

Thank you.

For staying up with me till 3am just to comfort me, and advice me.
For calling me for an hour just to help me straighten things out.
For believing in me, and for helping me to believe in myself.
For reminding me that God loves me.
For encouraging me.
For trusting me.
For taking the effort to talk to my brother.
For strengthening my faith in God.
For talking things through with me whenever I feel insecure or fearful.
For being there for me, always.
For just being you.

Thank you Gene. (:

For You.

2009-12-05T00:09:00.000+08:00

Hey God,

Remember how I always tell you about Gene? God, I just want to thank You for putting him in my life. God, You've shown me how You've transformed people, especially with Gene. His passion for You, his serving heart. God I see how he commits himself to church, I see how he goes to church 5 times a week without complaining much, and it really encourages me. How he makes himself so available. God, he's been a great example to me these few months. I really like how he's let You live through him. And people can see that transformation. People can see what You've done.

God, You have created a soldier. One that will grow up to be an excellent one. Someone who will just sacrifice for You so willingly in the end. Someone who just wants to go all out for you every time. And God I know that You're still shaping him to be that soldier. Lord, I know that the training is tough, and that sometimes that fire for You has just dwindled down. But Lord I thank You that that fire will never go away. It may dwindle, but Lord he acknowledges his dryness, and Lord I pray that by him taking this first step, I pray You'll have that fire blazing in him again. I know that You have amazing plans for this amazing person You've crafted. Lord, I know that he'll accomplish it for You, for he loves You too much to let You down. Lord, I pray that you'll also instill in him a passion to just want to know you deeper, every day of his life. I pray that You'll speak to him, not just once a month, but every day. Lord, help him to recognize Your voice, help him to turn aside to listen to what You have to say. Lord, he has persevered, and I know that You'll use this time that he's going through to make him a more mature child of Yours. I know that You'll help him use this time to encourage others that are going through the same thing as he is.

Father, I pray, envelope him in Your embrace. Let him know that You're here, and that You want him to accomplish so much more for You. Give him the confidence Father. Equip him, for You've called him to do something greater for You. Remind him that it's not just his strength to depend on, but Yours. Lord, I pray that You'll give him a new experience with You, a fresh touch of You.

God, I also pray that You'll teach me to help him along the way. To support him in whatever he's trying to do for You. I pray You'll give me wisdom to speak the right words to him when he's troubled. Speak through me Lord. But above all Father, I know You are proud of what he's become. And I thank You again, for Gene Lih.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

Dear Daddy [7]- Tears Are A Language God Understands; 041209

2009-12-04T10:00:00.000+08:00

To: Daddy

Father, I really really need You. I need You to embrace me. I need to hear Your words of encouragement. Father, I put in so much effort and yet, I am still not able to pass all my units. I feel really, stupid. In a way, I feel I lost my self-worth, I don't know why. Father, remind me again of how much I mean to you, of how much You value me. Help me to pick myself up again, and do so much better next semester. Help me to put my trust in You.

Father, I feel lost. I don't know what my next course of action is. I pray that You'll guide me along the way. I pray that I will learn something of You out of this. Father, please, I need your guidance, your comfort, your encouragement. Help me to use this to be an encouragement to others next time if they face situations like these.

Lord, I'm hurting so much inside, there's a raging storm within me which I cannot calm. Just a word and it might trigger that storm. But Father, I'm comforted knowing that You know what's going on deep within my soul. All that worry, that hopelessness, that sense of feeling lost without direction, and everything else that just can't be put into words. Lord, I'm going to cease being upset. For we cry at night, but joy comes in the morning.

I'm going to use this moment to praise You Father. To know that through all this, my relationship with You has grown deeper. I thank You for keeping my tears in Your bottle, and that they are all in Your book.

"You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?" - Psalm 56:8

Tears Are A Language

Often you've wondered why,
Tears come into your eyes,
And burdens seem to be
Much more than you can stand.
But God is standing near,
He sees your falling tears.
Tears are a language,
God understands.

When grief has left you low,
It causes tears to fall,
For things may not turn out
The way that you have planned.
But God won't forsake you now,
His promises are true.
Tears are a language,
God understands.

God sees the tears,
Of a brokenhearted soul,
He sees the tears,
And hears them when they fall.
God weeps along with men,
And takes them by the hand.
Tears are a language,
God understands.
-(Gordon Jenson)

Hurt.

2009-12-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

God. I'm hurting. So much. I feel lost.

Help me Father.

Dear Daddy [6]; 031209

2009-12-03T14:51:00.000+08:00

To: Daddy

Hey Dad? I'm scared. Of my results. But You already know that.

Father, I'm not expecting very good results, but Father I will just trust You. I don't know how Father, but by Your grace I will get good results this time. But even if I don't, Father help me to see what You are trying to do in my life.

I put my trust in You.

Amen.

Dear Daddy [5]; 021209

2009-12-02T15:44:00.000+08:00

To: Daddy

You know what Dad? I'm always telling you about how I feel and all. About me being upset, about me feeling thankful or whatever. I think this letter is going to be quite different. You know why? (: (:

Because.

I just wanted to drop you a note, saying I Love You! (: (:

Love,

Your daughter.

That's What It Is.

2009-12-01T10:15:00.000+08:00

When you gave me that necklace, saying "It's your baptism tomorrow", it really melted my heart. It touched me so much that you'd take my baptism so seriously.

The things that you do, for me, for others, its so sweet. I constantly wonder whether I'm good enough to have you. But I know that I'll constantly improve myself. You mean so much to me. When I go to bed at night, I always smile and thank God for putting such an angel in my life. Someone so sweet and caring such as you. It's still hard to digest the fact that someone like you fell for someone like me.

I feel like telling you that I love you. So many times. It takes a lot of control not to say it. But I don't want things to happen too fast. I want this to be sweet, I want us to grow together. I want to treasure this angel that God sent me. I want to be the best girl in the world that you can ever have. Because you deserve nothing less than the best.

Even when I have my fears and insecurities, you talk me through them. You give me reassuring hugs and tell me that I mean so much to you. You try so hard not to kiss me, because that's what I want for now. And when your self control waivers, you look at me, the words "I'm sorry" painted across your eyes. But it doesn't matter. Because I know you're trying. The fact that you respect my decisions and opinions makes me respect you even more. You don't know how much those mean to me. And I hope to be able to make you feel how you make me feel. I want you to experience the joy that you bring to me.

God, I love him. So much. Teach me to love him like how you love us. God, I can't express in words anymore how much Gene means to me. But You know Lord, because You look into my heart always and see my desires and longings. God, he means so so much to me. Thank You for opening my eyes to see what a wonderful man he is. What an amazing person You've made him to be. Thank You Lord, for his passion for You. I pray he'll never lose that. Because that is his most attractive trait that made me fall for him in the first place. I pray that his heart will always be right with Yours Father. He's helped me grow in so many ways. He's helped me to see how much I mean to You. Lord, thank You once again for this little angel. I love him Father. Help me to guide him to You. Thank You Father. So much. For everything You've done for me, for the people You've put in my life, and just for being there. Thank You Heavenly Father.

In Jesus's name,

Amen.

People may scoff at me and tell me that I'm too young to experience what love is. They might say that it's an unhealthy infatuation. They might say I'm naive. But it doesn't matter what they say. Because I know.

That I love you.

Please Don't Go

2009-11-29T23:22:00.000+08:00

If it's the one thing I fear. It's the fear that you'll stop liking me one day.
That one day, all of this will just be a memory. A memory that I'm trying to store away.

I don't want to go through all that heartache. I'm scared. Really scared. Because I like you so much. I'm just afraid my heart will be broken into pieces again.

That fear, is gnawing at my heart. It hurts. ):

God, help me. You know what's in my heart. My fears, my insecurities. Please take it away. Wrap Your arms around me to comfort me Father. Wipe away those tears, for I know You're counting them. Help me look to You in moments like these. I need Your peace Lord. Help me go through each day, just appreciating Gene's presence. Help me to not let fear overcome me. Amen.

2009-11-28T13:56:00.005+08:00

Dad, I long to hear from You, not just once a year, but everyday. 365 days a year. But sometimes I dont feel You speaking to me. And sometimes I think that maybe You're just not there for awhile. And I wonder whether I've strayed off the path, or whether my heart isn't right before You. And then I get upset, and scared.

I cried yesterday Dad, during prayer meeting. Because I longed to hear Your voice so desperately but I couldnt.

And ~~sometimes~~ every time when You talk to me, I wonder whether it's just my inner voice, or whether it's really You speaking. But, that voice is just sweet, and gentle. And I just long to hear more. But then I start thinking again, whether it's really You. But I know, that that voice that has spoken to me all those times, have no said anything against Scripture. Sometimes, it makes

me feel convicted. Sometimes, it makes unclear things just 'click' in my head. Other times, I just feel Your peace within my heart. And today, You told me to be patient. That I just need to wait for Your own timing for things to happen.

I'm really sorry I've doubted Your voice at times. But, help me to recognize Your voice. And when I do, help me to turn aside to You. To just lay everything down for a moment to listen. But above all God, I want to seek You with my whole heart. Everyday.

Thank You for calming me, for taking away my fears, doubts and insecurities. Thank You for speaking to me.

"Then you will call upon Me and go to pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart" - Jer 29:12-13

Dear Daddy [4]; 281109

2009-11-28T13:51:00.000+08:00

To: Daddy

Dad, I long to hear from You, not just once a year, but everyday. 365 days a year. But sometimes I don't feel You speaking to me. And sometimes I think that maybe You're just not there for awhile. And I wonder whether I've strayed off the path, or whether my heart isn't right before You. And then I get upset, and scared.

I cried yesterday Dad, during prayer meeting. Because I longed to hear Your voice so desperately but I couldn't.

And sometimes every time when You talk to me, I wonder whether it's just my inner voice, or whether it's really You speaking. But, that voice is just sweet, and gentle. And I just long to hear more. But then I start thinking again, whether it's really You. But I know, that that voice that has spoken to me all those times, have not said anything against Scripture. Sometimes, it makes me feel convicted. Sometimes, it makes unclear things just 'click' in my head. Other times, I just feel Your peace within my heart. And today, You told me to be patient. That I just need to wait for Your own timing for things to happen.

I'm really sorry I've doubted Your voice at times. But, help me to recognize Your voice. And when I do, help me to turn aside to You. To just lay everything down for a moment to listen. But above all God, I want to seek You with my whole heart. Every day.

Thank You for calming me, for taking away my fears, doubts and insecurities. Thank You for speaking to me.

Love,

Your daughter.

p/s: Teach me how to recognize Your voice. That above all that busyness in life, You're always there, in that gentle voice, that seems too easy to ignore with all that noise. Help me Father.

"Then you will call upon Me and go to pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:12-13.

That Little Onward Soldier

2009-11-25T14:06:00.000+08:00

There was a boy. I hadn't met him, not yet, but the things I heard from a certain friend of mine made him sound like every girl's ideal man. We would giggle while talking about him, joking about how she'd date him if she were younger. I would agree, except, I was going through a heartbreak at that moment, not being able to forget an ex boyfriend.

I didn't notice him in church. Apparently, Mr-too-good-to-be-true plays the guitar for worship. And apparently, a lot of girls like him too. And I heard that he was going to Monash for business. I was happy, I was going to meet this super awesome dude whom everyone was just telling me about. I got curious. He sounded like a lovely person. And i love lovely people (:

But oh, when I actually met him in church for the first time.

"Hi! I'm Gene!"

Boy, I guess I was expecting this super hunky guy? But what greeted my sight was a skinny boy, looked a lot like a friend of mine, wore specs, had a goofy grin. I just.couldn't.believe.it. But he did have something that I never noticed in other guys before.

But damn, when he played his song "My Angel", gosh, it totally melted my heart. I began to have a soft spot for him since then. Little did I know, that we'd grow closer to become best friends. Little did I know that I'd grow to respect his opinions, and constantly ask about what his thoughts were on a lot of matters.

He'd take me out for ice cream. All the time. Because he knows I like it.

He'd play the guitar for me and sing when I asked him to.

He'd be so patient with me even when he was trying to concentrate on studying.

I tagged along with him to the bookstore. And I was impressed. Here was a guy who was in a bookstore, reading. Then, we went for ice cream. I fed him, just a friendly gesture, but something I never did with anyone else before. And, I'd gaze at him. I had no idea that I was doing that. Again, must be that soft spot that I had for him.

Months went by. We hung out, a lot. I got over my ex, but I started liking someone else. Someone, whom I didn't even know why I liked him in the first place. There were so many things I just didn't agree on with him. I was resolved to get over him, and I did. But there were times where I'd hurt over this guy.

I think God loves me too much. He sent an angel, to be by my side when I was hurt. Although that little angel was hurting at seeing me hurt, he stayed. Although that little angel was broken when he found out that I liked someone else, he stayed. Little angel constantly asked me about that guy that I liked. Little angel couldn't understand what I liked about that guy. I couldn't either.

I guess, slowly, I was falling for little angel too.

He likes me. I like him.

He's like a little onward Christian soldier. Always trying to put God first, going around to bless people, always wanting to make the world a better place. Familiar? I don't care. I still think he's special.

He's like an angel. Not just to me, but to everyone around him. He's too nice to be true? Hidden agendas? I really don't care. Thats just him letting Christ live out in him.

Me? I'm just a girl. Flawed, nothing outstanding, who's still trying to understand how that little angel fell for her. Wondering how it all happened. Just a girl who's fallen so hard for this boy who's so human, with emotions, feelings, struggles, but has Jesus in his life. Just a girl who's trying to show how much she truly cares for him, that she wants to help him at any time. A girl who wants to be proud of him at his best moments, and to love him at his worst.

And what's more amazing is the fact that I'm just a girl who keeps falling for the same boy every time she sees him. The joy that he brings her, brings an involuntary smile to her face. A smile that would tell the world, "Hey. See this guy I'm looking at? He's a treasure. My treasure. He makes me forget about everything around me. He makes me feel vulnerable, but protected. Weak, but strong. Dependent, but independent. And I really don't mind. Because I trust this man with all my heart."

He's opened my eyes to so many different things.

He's encouraged me, not just in my areas of weaknesses, but also encouraged me so much in my walk with God.

He has shown to me what Jesus does in people's lives.

I cherish him. With all my heart.

He's mine to care for. Mine to love.

He's more than my happy ending. We'll be the greatest love story ever told after the story of God's love for us. And I want to keep it that way. That little onward soldier stole my heart from me. And I don't want him to give it back. Ever.

There are so many more things I just want to say about him. But that'll be another story. (:

"God, help me show him that I care deeply for him. Help me to guide him. Help me not to stumble him. And when I do, rebuke me Lord, but don't forsake me. Teach me what it means to love unconditionally, I want to love him that way. Thank You God for putting him in my life. Thank You so much. Thank You. Thank You. Please don't ever take him away from me. Amen "

Dear Daddy [3]; 231109

2009-11-24T00:03:00.000+08:00

To: Daddy

Dad. He came over today. And I guess, we I sinned?

I always talk to You, about helping us to maintain purity in our relationship, because we want to honor You, because we want to honor each other. But I kinda failed in that today. But, I don't have any regrets. Am I supposed to feel that way Daddy?

Dad, please forgive me. Help me to help us maintain our purity. Help me to show him how much I care for him. Keep guiding us. We need Your guidance. Especially me. I don't want to stumble him, but yet, I did, today. Help me to encourage him in his walk with You. Help me to help us put You first in anything that we do.

Love,

Your daughter.

p/s: Thanks for listening. And for always forgiving me, allowing me to start over. Thank You for holding my hand, for leading me to the right path. :)

Eternal Life, the Free Gift.

2009-11-22T10:27:00.000+08:00

Those 3 days during the EE Advancement sessions were probably one of the most eye opening days that I've ever experienced in my life. Partly because I was new to a lot of things mentioned during the sessions, but the ones where I would forever store in memory were the OJTs (On Job Training), where teams would go out to evangelize.

I came to realize that most people, even Christians, don't know that eternal life is a free gift. Most of them think that we need to work our way into heaven. Even when I first accepted Christ, I thought that way too. I guess, living in this materialistic world, its hard for anyone to believe that anything can come for free. It's just too hard to digest. We think that the word 'free' has a hidden meaning behind it, that we still need to work for it so that it can compromise for whatever that free gift is.

But well, I was wrong. Heaven IS a FREE gift! Like, Free free. We don't get ourselves into heaven by good works. We just need to trust in Christ alone for eternal life. What we try to do here on earth will never be good enough to get us into heaven alone. That's why we need Him. Because Christ died on the cross for us, to save us from our sins, to allow us to build a relationship with the Heavenly Father. It really is the most amazing story about the love that He has for all of us ever told.

Hm. I can't wait to join EE next year. It really is amazing to see the non-believers get to know God, to know of his love and mercy, like how I came to know of His love and mercy for me. (:

"Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me has eternal life" - John 6 : 47

Dear Daddy [2]; 091109

2009-11-09T14:58:00.000+08:00

To: Daddy

I'm upset! I think I screwed my paper quite badly. My Distinction has flown away just like that, now I'm not even sure I can pass! Sigh. I cried today. But I'm sure that You know that. But it gladdens me that You'll not let my tears fall. You count every tear and make it seem all worth it in the end. I don't know what Your plan is for me, but I'll trust in You.

I needed Daniel and Andrew to talk me through this though. Thank You for bringing them into my life. Especially Daniel. He's been very encouraging to me. (: They prayed for me too! And I felt so touched I cried more =.= It's really comforting to know that You are always there for me. That whatever burdens and pains that I have, I just need to tell You about it and everythings okay again.

I'm just going to make use of the situation. To help other people. To encourage them when they go through the same thing that I did. And to see them rise up again would be so amazing! It's a wonder how You work things out all the time. That eventually, everything just falls back into place.

Thank You for being there for me 24/7.

Love,

Your daughter.

p/s: Please teach me how to put my whole trust in You. (:

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God" - Psalm 42 : 5-6a.

Dear Daddy [1]; 081109

2009-11-09T00:14:00.000+08:00

To: Daddy

Hm. Nothing much has been happening in my life so far. Just exams. Can I grumble please? :P

I'm glad the only constant in my life is You. When I look back at the times when I felt alone, You were just there for me, wrapping those invisible arms around me, making me feel comforted. And sometime back, I took that all for granted. But I'm glad I'm learning to appreciate Your presence now.

You've done so many things for me. Picked me up when I fell, took my hand and guided me to the right path, shared my burdens so that it didn't seem so heavy and impossible. And I'm really grateful for all of that. Of the love that You cherish me with, the joy that Your presence brings me, the excitement I get when I hear Your voice.

Dad, I'm glad I'm what I am today because of You. Because You have shaped me. Because You put me through all those situations which made me who I am today. And those negative experiences to be used not as a reason to hate the world, but to encourage others who are going through the same thing I went through.

Thanks for giving me the privilege to bring all my anxieties before you in prayer, just to let You comfort me with peace that can't be found anywhere else from anyone else. (Philippians 4:6-7)

I've been feeling quite ready for my exams this semester. More composed. More confident. And definitely at peace. I think it's You dad. Maybe its because I know You're always there for me. Even in the exam hall, gently guiding my hands, giving me the wisdom that I need to analyze things. Giving me peace in my heart. Giving me peace even after I've finished my paper. I really cannot imagine a life, even a day without relying on Your strength. I would feel so weak. Because You are my tower of strength. (:

Dad, I need Your help, again, for tomorrow's paper. I know I can do it. I'll do my best and leave the rest up to You. I just need to feel You there and I'll be okay. Because I know You'll take care of me (:

Love,

Your daughter (:

p/s: I want to do so much more for you. I can't wait to start serving! And while waiting, I'm going to keep encouraging people, cos' I feel that that is Your purpose for me for now. Doing Your works just gives me great joy and excitement. You rock Daddy-O! :)

It's Just You.

2009-11-05T02:46:00.000+08:00

I for one, never thought I'd ever fall for you. But I did. Hard. And I'm glad I did. Because of all that you do for me, and all that you've done.

The way you show that you care.

The way you make me feel loved and comforted.

The way you inspire me to put God first in my life.

The way you're just so encouraging in everything.

I love your honesty. Your passion for God. How you see the better side of things, of people. Your responsibility and commitment. Your sense of humour, although lame, its pretty amusing :)

I love how you're so focused about your goals. And how determined you are to achieve them.

I could just go on and on about what I love about you. And that's practically ALMOST everything about you. Heck, you've made me fall head over heels for you. I'm just afraid that things won't work out. That I'll lose everything that we once shared. That one day, all these feelings that we have will be so distant, somewhere in our memories.

I'm afraid that I'll stumble you. The fact that you're a leader in church makes me scared that I'll make you fall. And I have that constant fear. I hold back on so many things that I wish to tell you. Things that I want to do.

But for now, I have faith in us. And I'll learn how to put those doubts away.

Lord, help me. I want to make this work. I want us to keep this pure. And in the process, to glorify You. Because I care. Because, WE care. I need Your guidance Lord. Amen.

2009-10-29T15:54:00.005+08:00

came out from exam 15 minutes early. doesnt mean i found it easy kay! woah. tough wei. interesting paper though. but funny thing was, during the reading time, i glanced at all the questions, and only KNEW how to do about 2/14 questions. hahah. and i took time off to pray. 10 mins yo! and and after that i felt this sense of calmness in me throughout the whole paper. and i just picked up my pen, and the answers just started flowing! dont know whether the answers were right though, but they made sense i think. i only skipped 3 very very very minor subquestions and one whole question worth 4 marks. LOL. but considering that i didnt know how to start at all, i think its really amazing.

thanks god :)

ah. library. cheng hong and christina are sleeping. andrew is ~~studying~~. NOT studying. shafiq with his jedi robe. and. me. blogging! :)

thank youu chris for the prayer sms.

and cheng hong, for giving me that very badly needed verse: Be still and know He is God.

fuh. power. i really needed that.

thanks gene for calling me when i said i was feeling nervous :)

thanks andrew for giving me that hug after my exam :)

hm. well. surprisingly im not AS upset as i thought i'd be. a little, since, i dont know what kinda marks i'll get. but. i guess this is where faith steps in :)

2009-10-29T15:54:00.004+08:00

thanks god :)

ah. library. cheng hong and christina are sleeping. andrew is ~~studying~~. NOT studying. shafiq with his jedi robe. and. me. blogging! :)

thank youu chris for the prayer sms.

and cheng hong, for giving me that very badly needed verse: Be still and know He is God.

fuh. power. i really needed that.

thanks gene for calling me when i said i was feeling nervous :)

thanks andrew for giving me that hug after my exam :)

hm. well. surprisingly im not AS upset as i thought i'd be. a little, since, i dont know what kinda marks i'll get. but. i guess this is where faith steps in :)

2009-10-27T00:49:00.003+08:00

Beautiful.

Those were the words to describe it. Nothing else.

The sound that filled the room. Melodic, with emotions just flowing through the entire piece. Sonatas by Mozart, Impromptus by Debussy.

Classical, Romantic, then jazz. Worship songs. The sounds were coming from an object, with polished brown wood. Slender fingers dancing over the keys of ivory white and smaller keys of charcoal black.

An elegant beast..the piano. Something that was so inanimate could produce a scene so magical. Letting the notes just flow through your soul. The birds chirping, the sound of the flowing river, sadness, sorrow, joy. A love ballad. The stormy weather. Even the cheekiest mood could be brought to life from a sheet of musical notes.

But the best thing of all, was the intimacy that could be felt between God and I, while playing the piano. Pouring out your heart and soul into the music. A gift, given by God. A composition, understood only by you and Him. A secret message in the form of a song.

And I intend to use that gift. :)